


New

by bridge2X



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Angst, Car Accident, Fluff, M/M, Sibling Incest, Slow Build, change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-05-20 22:12:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6027295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bridge2X/pseuds/bridge2X
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day Vegard almost died, everything started to change for Bård and nothing would ever be able to make this changing stop.</p><p>So right in time before fan fiction in this fandom will slowly die, eventually I try to do my part in writing a cest. I actually never thought I would but I got challenged and surprisingly enough it was the most fun I ever had. Still you won't get no graphic sex from me because...well, it's still me and I'm a coward. Instead of you'll get a twist I always wanted to have in such a story...you'll figure out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Apart Bård, Vegard and Calle I changed all the familiar names the slightest ...I guess you will recognize everyone!

It had been 11:11 on the 2nd of February when the call came in. Strangely enough Bård remembered the numbers on the display of his iPhone covering the picture of his brother. Annoyed he frowned and touched the screen.

"Vegard, where the heck are you? We're waiting for you for half an hour now!"

"Mr. Bård Ylvisåker?" he heard an unfamiliar voice on the other end of the line.

"Yes?"

"This is police officer Carstensen. As you may assume I'm calling for your brother."

It took him two or three seconds to sort his thoughts, what this kind of a call might signify but then an awful certainty was spreading in his heart and made him interrupt the man.

"He's dead, right? You call to tell me he's dead."

"No, Mr. Ylvisåker, please calm down! Your brother has been hurt in a car accident about an hour ago but he's not dead. But since it appears at risk of serious injuries and because he's still unconscious, I now call to inform you. He's been taken to university hospital."

A pressed "Okay!" was all that Bård was able to reply.

"Well, since I know you as a tv personality, I already knew you are related but otherwise we didn't found any information in your brother's belongings that would tell us who to inform in a case like this. Is there anyone else you want me to call?"

"No, there's no one...My... my parents! But I'll take care of that, thank you. I ...eh...bye!"

"Your welcome. Good bye."

Bård hung up and turned around. Christoph looked as pale as he felt himself.

"He had an accident ..." he said tonelessly.

"How bad?"

""Seriously injured' they say. He's without conscious."

"Shit...!" Christoph pressed his fist against his mouth. "Are you going to the hospital?"

Bård only nodded, chewing his lower lip. "Fuck! We need to cancel the show tonight!" he said under his breath.

"Don't think about that now! We take care of it and you go and look after him!"

"You're right!" Bård sprang up from the table he had rested against and hurriedly grabbed his jacket, laying over a chair in the corner. Suddenly he felt driven by a burning urgency, like he would never be able to make it on time to see his brother maybe for the last time. He bumped into Jørn who was about to enter the room when he rushed out.

"Where are you going?"

"Vegard had an accident!" Bård answered without slowing down his pace.

"Bad?" their manager turned to Christoph, who only nodded.

"Bård, hey - wait a moment!" Jørn called after him. "Can we take like two minutes to decide on what to do next? I'm gonna drive you to the hospital afterwards!"

Bård had almost reached the opposite end of the long attic office. "No! We can't ! Come after me if you have to."

"No, Bård - wait!"

With an annoyed sigh he stopped at the steps and waited for the older man to come running.

"Seriously, Jørn. I can't deal the thought he might be dying alone there while I sit around, lamenting about a show that can't happen anyway." He held his gaze for a second and then nodded emphatically. "I'm gonna go now."

He ran down the stairs , taking three steps at a time. Every second was burning in his gut now desperately.

 

 

University hospital was a huge building with over thousand beds and the receptionist had some trouble finding Vegard in her computer. Only when Bård told her the he had been admitted just an hour ago she found him via the emergency unit.

"He's lying at the intensive care unit. Its on the fifth floor. You have to ring for a nurse when you got there, the door is kept closed."

When he got to talk to the duty nurse he used his celebrity status to make her find him a doctor to talk to. He hated things like that but he didn't hesitate a second to do it.

The five minutes he had to wait nevertheless were pure torture but he knew he couldn't walk into an intensive care room just like that ...and maybe he wouldn't be prepared for what he found.

Eventually a doctor appeared to talk to him. His face was unreadable when he shook his hand.

"Good news first, Mr. Ylvisåker - your brother is alive and stable."

Bård's chest felt as if he was taking the first real breath since an hour. He nodded.

"Unfortunately he still is without conscious and due to the depth of his unconsciousness it has to be called a coma. He was hit in his back and the backside of his head with quite an impact which caused minor bleeding and swellings inside his skull as well as along his spine. As soon as those swellings will fade he should wake up again."

"How long..." Bård had to clear his throat "What are we talking here? Days? Weeks? "

"Oh, he should recover from that within a week! You can tell by your own experiences how long it takes after a contusion until the affected area isn't swollen anymore."

"But what do you mean with 'should'?"

"Well, it's the brain after all. We can never tell exactly how a person will react whose brain is affected. There's always a risk."

"Okay..." Bård chewed his lips.

"Do you want to see him?"

"Yeah...yeah, of course I want to!"

The doctor turned and started walking down the corridor.

"What I don't get, though - how could his back got damaged so badly? His car must be squeezed like a paper bag!"

"Oh, your brother was not sitting in his car! He got rammed by a van while he was driving a scooter. He was very lucky the vehicle hadn't been that fast anymore!"

Bård closed his eyes for a second. On his scooter! On his bloody scooter! Why the heck was he using this thing after all? He was a grown man, god damn it!

"Are there... is he injured any further?" he asked with a cracking voice, now that the doctor had stopped at a door and put his hand on the handle. "What ... I mean, what awaits me in there?"

The grey haired man smiled slightly for the first time. "It's not as bad as one may assume." he said emphatically. "He is able to breath on his own and there are some bruises and abrasions, mainly on his legs. The monitors may scare people who aren't used to them but those are there for his safety only and no sign of his body not working accurately."

He gazed at Bård questioningly and when he nodded, he opened the door.

The sight wasn't as scary as he had imagined. Vegard was looking small in his white hospital shirt with all those cables leading from his body to several blinking monitors. It was kind of peaceful.

"I'm going to leave you alone." the doctor said and shook his hand once more. "Mr. Ylvisåker - if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask."

Bård waited until the door had closed before he stepped over to the bed. A little anxious he scanned Vegard's fragile looking body in the sheets. He had a swollen graze along the right side of his jaw and the knuckles of his hands were bloody, supplied with an orange tincture. His breath was going very low and Bård observed him for at least a minute before he could be sure that his chest was actually rising and falling - a sign of him being alive far more tangible than all those confusing numbers on the monitors.

Bård took his hand and pressed it carefully to not loosen the clip on his index that was sending Vegard's pulse and temperature to the computer.

"Hallo..." he mumbled insecurely. He felt somewhat stupid to talk to someone unconscious. He knew that in some cases coma patients were aware of what was going on around them up to a certain level but nevertheless... He didn't know what to say anyway.

In a corner of the otherwise empty room Bård saw a worn plastic chair with arm rests that he brought to stand beside the bed. He sat down and grabbed Vegard's fingers again, moving them a little between his own. His mind was a mess. None of the million thoughts running through his head he was able to follow longer than a few seconds. Eventually he gave up, resting his forehead on the edge of the mattress, waiting for someone to come and tell him what to do.

After about twenty minutes Bård's wish got fulfilled when the door opened and Jørn and Calle came in. He grimaced for them and stood up to make some space next to the bed.

"Did they tell you about his state?"

Bård was relived when they nodded. He didn't have the energy to explain anything. An uncomfortable silence followed when all three men didn't know what to say next.

"There's not much you can do, really." Bård finally said. "He's.... sleeping."

"Yeah, but we wanted to see him anyway." Jørn said a little helplessly. "And you!"

"We cancelled the show for tonight, they will probably show one of former seasons' episodes."  
Calle shrugged apologetically. "I know it's kinda random right now but I think you should hear about it. They already know that most likely we can't do any more shows."

"Hm." Bård said not exactly enthusiastically.

Jørn scratched his temple and looked at him. "Nevertheless we need to have a meeting with TVN any time this week. You need to come, too. We need to figure out how things are going to be. Maybe we should consider that Calle and you are hosting the show alone. Or at least we should offer that..."

"Nah, no way!" Bård walked over to the window and gazed down at the parking lot in front of the house. "How can we tell them what shall happen to our show as long as we have no idea what will be with Vegard!" He turned back and looked at Jørn with furrowed eyebrows. "I'm not going to sit in a meeting or anywhere else as long as it isn't perfectly clear that he will survive this! And sure as hell I'm not doing the show without him! You can forget about that!"

"I understand how you feel, I feel quite the same but we can't leave it just like that, we own a company! Concorde could be forced to pay a penalty, that would break our necks! Sure, we know each other well and TVN do care about our problems but if they can't afford to lose the money they will do it anyway!"

"Yeah, alright...then take care about that!"

"But you..."

"What the fuck do you think we are paying you for?" Bård yelled at him furiously without a warning.

"It's okay ...its okay!" Jørn hissed annoyed and raised his hands. Without a further word he turned around and left the room.

Bård closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead with his fingertips to ease the upcoming headache. Then he moaned, sprang over to the door and ripped it open.

"Jørn! Hey Jørn wait!" he called after his disappearing manager. "I'm sorry...wait!"

Jørn only turned to gesture him to go back to his brother, smiling briefly.

Bård did as he was told to and closed the door from the inside.

"Fuck!"

"It's okay, he understands! It's Jørn."

Bård sighed and shook his head, annoyed by his own reaction.

"Hey - come here, man!"

Calle spread his arms and dragged him in a tight hug. "It's going to be okay, he'll come back to us!" he murmured.

"What if not, Calle? I mean, just look at him!"

Calle loosened his arms and walked over to the bed. "Hey little man!" he said silently and stroked Vegard's cheek with his thumb. "We count on you to make it!"

Bård met his gaze with a sad smile. "I need to call our family." he said.

"You haven't?"

"No, I didn't have the courage to do it. I have no idea how to tell our parents!"

"Shall I do it for you?"

"No, thanks for the offer but that's my job to do really. Time for a little adulting, people need me - he needs me..." He pointed with his chin towards his brother and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"I can't switch it on while being in intensive care. I guess I'm going to have a little walk."

He made Calle promise to stay with Vegard until he was back, then Bård took the lift to the lobby and found himself a quiet spot there to make that difficult call, for it was raining outside.

It was quite a shock for his parents, just as he had feared. They decided to take the night train from Bergen so they would be with them the next morning. Bård was relived - that he would be going to have his parents around as well as to have that call off his to-do list.

As he was at it, he called his own family to tell them about the accident. That was easier.

He thought it was weird, afterwards, when he realised that there was no one else to inform. Vegard had never bothered about a steady relationship. 'I'm married to Ylvis!' was what he always said 'How can you squeeze someone in there?'. There surely had been some women he had dated and Bård even assumed a few men between them but none of them ever made it to be called his partner officially.  
Bård found it somewhat comforting that at least there would be thousands of fans in mourning if Vegard should not come back - even though he had no children, he already had left his mark on the world!

Hastily he shoved that thought aside and went back to the sober room at the intensive care.

 

Calle stayed a while longer and they discussed silently if and what kind of statements they should make on social media for they knew that people would be worried a lot when the show was cancelled. Bård felt like his head was getting out of the clouds slowly.

When Calle had left he sad back down on his chair and watched the monitors to figure out if the values would stay constant or if a change might be a sign of Vegard waking up. There was not that much more to do really.

 

He hadn't noticed but he must have fallen asleep. He only realised when a small hand, being laid on his shoulder, woke him up.

"Hey..."

Mara... He ran his hand through his face and looked up to her. "Hey!" he answered sleepily.

"How is he?" she asked , looking at Vegard's motionless body on the bed. "How are you?"

The answer to her first question was pretty obvious.

"He's stable and he's not in pain as it is now. That's something, isn't it?" He moved on the chair to loosen his stiff muscles. "I don't know how I am... I'm thankful you came, I think, you didn't have to."

She gave him a little smile and rubbed his shoulders. "How can you think I wouldn't come? We're still a family!"

Bård leaned his head back to face her and gazed into her familiar face for a while. They got along so much better meanwhile. He sighed.

"Do the kids know?"

"They know that he had an accident but not that he's in a coma. I will tell them tonight."

"How did they take it?"

"The girls played all cool. They are caught up too much in their own puberty universe to realise what it could mean, actually. Jan was pretty confused and had a lot of questions. I'm not sure if I will tell him everything..."

"Could you explain them why I can't come tomorrow for dinner as usual? I want to stay here, I couldn't concentrate on anything."

"Of course I will. No one expects you to do business as usual."

"Thank you!" He frowned and pressed her hand, still lingering on his shoulder.

"Is there something I can do for you?"

"What time is it?"

"It's almost five."

"Could you get me something to eat? I only had some eggs this morning."

"I can't bring food into intensive care, they don't allow for hygienic reasons. Why don't we go down to the cafeteria and have a real meal?"

"No...no, I can't! I will stay here until he wakes up again!" He stood up from his chair and walked around the room, restless.

"Bård, come on, that's stupid!" Mara stopped him by grabbing his sleeve. "It can take days till that will happen! You can't stay here without eating or sleeping!" Challengingly she looked at his stubborn face.

"Okay, your right." he gave in after a minute. "I'm sick from hunger, I can't last much longer like that."

Mara nodded at him with her eye lids. "They watch over him, don't worry..."

She locked arms with him and they left the room.

 

When he came back after an hour everything was as he had left it, except for the infusion bag that had been exchanged. Bård came to stand at the foot end of the bed and watched his brother's features as if he saw him for the first time. He got old a little, he could tell, now that his face was all quite and relaxed. The lines around the corner of his mouth shown off much more when he didn't smile like he did most of the time.

"Hey...I'm back!"

No one was around to hear him so it didn't matter if it was stupid to talk to him.

"I had dinner with my ex-wife. She sends you greetings. But now I won't go anywhere for tonight, don't you worry."

He hesitated, moving from one foot to the other.

"As we are at it - you won't go away either, will you? I mean you can't just like ...die! What am I supposed to do with my life when you're dead? I've..." He swallowed a tear crawling up his throat. "I've never done anything without you really. I'm not sure if I knew how that works...."

Bård paused as if he waited for an answer, his fingers playing with the fabric of the white blanket.

"And all those things...I mean, what I'm doing all the time.... If you only knew how stupid I feel for not appreciating what you are! You know - that classical 'you only know what you have when you're about to lose it'- shit. It's not true! I know very well what I have with you, just you don't know that I know and .... Uh! For heavens fuck! "

He walked over to the side of the bed.

"Move over a little, I'm gonna tell you!"

He tried to shove Vegard's sleeping body a few centimetres to the other side of the mattress just to find out that a human body was far more difficult to move than he had assumed. Eventually he managed by flipping up the railing on the other side of the bed and pulling the sheets until Vegard was in the position he wanted him to be. Carefully he checked that all cables and tubes would stay untouched before he laid down beside him.

Exhausted Bård tried to relax his tense back a bit and snuggled up against his brother for a cosy position. God, he was so cold! Vegard had always been somewhat over-heated, like a little oven. How could he be so cold now? Concerned he wondered if that was normal or maybe a sign of him fading away until he remembered to check the monitors above his head.

Vegard's body temperature was absolutely normal, just his blood pressure was rather low. So obviously it was quite normal for a coma patient to be cool-ish.

With a relived huff Bård laid down again and closed his eyes for a moment. It was not easy to find a proper start for what he planned to say. Finally he turned on his back so he could let his gaze wander around on the ceiling and cleared his throat.

"Okay - what I always wanted to tell you, part one. I wanna tell you how sorry I am, for those things I always say, how I treat you as soon as anyone is around. Or even when we're alone. I don't know when it has become a habit to extend the roles we made up for us - me being bad ass and you being the douche - into every fucking facet of our lives! Yeah, I can see how it hurts you sometimes, it shows up on your face and I have no idea why I never apologize or simply keep my big mouth shut. I just never manage to overcome to do it, I just think - nah! He should get a grip, he knows I don't mean it! But it doesn't matter, that you are used to it, its still mean!  
I won't do that anymore when you wake up, I promise! Just...only for public occasion - I mean, showbiz is showbiz and you _are_ a nerd and you _are_ tiny!"

Bård laughed silently about his own immediately broken promise and stroked his knuckles over Vegard's arm.

"There's nothing wrong with the way you are, that's the next thing I wanted to tell you. You should learn how proud I am of you.

I'm completely amazed how you can handle music for example, how creativity is pouring out your ears when we're in a studio. You should be acknowledged as a musical genius like Mozart or something, I'm telling you!" He burst out in giggles. "Yeah, I know that's bullshit but you actually could be a bad ass musician! If you were concentrating on music only, that is. But it's good you don't because you've got talent for so many things. For instance how gorgeous your voice is. And how you shine when you play with it. I swear, when we're doing concerts I could sit down on stage sometimes and simply watch you! You're such a bomb, Vegard! I'm your fan!"

He turned a bit to his side and pressed a kiss on Vegard's greasy curls.

"Wuah, they could have washed you!"

He grinned and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before he rested his cheek against the black hair, grease or not.

While he was considering how to go on, the door was opened.

The nurse coming in stopped and frowned when she saw Bård on the bed.

"Oh...! You can't do that, I'm sorry!"

She walked to the monitors and checked the scales while Bård stood up again.

"See, you have to be careful with all the connections and your street clothes shouldn't be on the sheets either."

She laid her hand on his arm and smiled emphatically. "I can make an effort to bring a second bed into the room so you can stay here overnight. We often do that to enable parents to stay with their children."

Bård felt a little embarrassed. "Nah, that's not necessary! I'm gonna stick here to my chair if you allow me to stay."

"There's nothing wrong with that. You can tell me, if you change your mind."

Bård nodded and smiled at her politely until the door had closed behind her. Then he waited a few seconds and laid down on Vegard's bed again.

"Sorry for the interruption. Where did I stop? Oh, I know. I said you are a nerd before. Actually I say that all the time because it's true and you know it! But I guess you don't know that I think its fucking cool that you are a nerd! I'm completely stunned by all the stuff you know. I can't remember if there ever was a topic you had nothing to say about. You even know crap about football and I know how little you care about that! I'm always like - how the heck can he know _that_ again? I think your general knowledge is the coolest thing ever. You hadn't expected, huh?  
Its just... I always fear that others might think you are a douche for talking about such random shit and I feel like I have to stop you. I'm not ashamed or something, I just don't want anyone to think you're an idiot. That's not ...good! No one should think that!"

He carefully lifted the cable leading from the finger clip to a monitor and shoved his arm over Vegard's chest, resting his face against his shoulder.

"I shouldn't do that anymore. I am proud that my brother is the smartest nerd in Norway and people shall know that!

Something else? There's so much about you, I don't know...! Like that I think you are really beau... eh, ...no, _pretty_ sounds stupid... I think you're handsome, really! And different from me, one can see that your look will become more and more...somewhat - something... _charming,_ maybe... while ageing strikes on us! You're going to be a grey eminence, that will be cool.

Aaaah... yeah...! This I had never told you if you were awake!" he added with an embarrassed grimace.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, following Vegard's slow heartbeat, he could feel under his palm, for a while.

"You need to wake up again soon or I will forget all of what I just told you. I'm not sure if I can ever repeat that anyway! But you will, yeah? Tomorrow maybe. Okay? If you... "

Tears crawled out Bård's eyes and he bit his lips to keep himself from crying.

"I need you, Vegard. You must wake up again or... Fuck!"

He paused with shaky breathe and wiped away the tears that were running down his face meanwhile.

"I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't wake up!" he whispered. "I don't go anywhere before you do!"

Two hours later the nurse came back and found him asleep, snuggled against his brother. She didn't wake him up, just shook her head and turned the lights down.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm no medic, just saying...

The next morning their parents arrived. Bård was relieved to finally have someone as a backup so he was free enough to go home for a few hours for a shower and fresh clothes. But immediately afterwards nothing kept him in the apartment he had rented after he had moved out of his family's house.

He found his mother alone at the hospital since his father had gone taking care of Vegard's house and to bring their luggage there.

"When he comes back we'll go somewhere for lunch. Do you want to join us?"

Hege had taken his chair so Bård stood at the window, staring at the world outside without seeing anything.

"I'm not hungry." he said, leaning his forehead against the glass.

Hege got up from the chair and walked up behind him. "You need to eat! It won't help Vegard the slightest if you ruin yourself...  
Just look at the sunshine outside." she said, rubbing his back calmingly. "You need a little positivity!"

Bård shoved his hands in his pockets and kept staring out the window. "I'm scared, Mamma. I'm so fucking scared!" he said tonelessly.

"Oh, baby of course you are! Would be weird if you were not! We are all scared!"

"Yes, but I don't mean my fear he may not wake up. I'm scared to be on my own. Can't you see how much our lives are build up on doing things together? We only work as a duo! Like gears that intertwine. Look at me - what is supposed to be funny about me, standing on my own? I've got no real talent actually! I can crack some jokes, I can play some instruments and sing rather average - but nothing outstanding. I'm even about to lose my looks!" He chuckled joylessly.

"And if I can't be a comedian there's nothing else I can be. No education, I never worked a single day in my whole life. I'm nothing without him, Mamma... nothing!"

"Oh, my darling!" Hege laid her hand under his chin and made him look at her. "None of that is true! You are a wonderful person all on your own, you've got a lot of talents and a lot of fans. It's your personality and your charm that lets all you do appear special"  
She shoved a strand of his long hair behind his ear and looked him in the eyes firmly. "You can be everything you decide to be, okay? Even without Vegard!"

"Yeah, but I don't want to. I really don't want to..." He laid his arms around his mother's shoulders' and buried his face in her curls. "I feel so ashamed that this worries me so much. I'm such a selfish fucker!"

"Non, no, no, you're not! Changes are always scaring us out. It's okay to have such thoughts. But we should now focus on the hope that everything will turn out well. Vegard will wake up and is going to be alright. There's a good chance for that, we just need to wait patiently. Okay?"

"Okay."

"And we need to eat properly while we're waiting."

Bård loosened the hug and gave her a little smile. " You won't give up, will you?"

"No." Hege smiled back.

He gave in, there was no sense in doing different.

 

When their parents had left in the afternoon Bård finally asked for a second bed so he could stay overnight legally. Meanwhile he was a little embarrassed by himself and his obsession to never leave Vegard on his own although his head perfectly knew that the hospital took care of him way better than he ever could - however, he couldn't fight it.

Since he had enough of sitting around, worrying, he needed something to distract him. Playing golf simulation on his phone wouldn't fill the evening, so he found something else. Bård had never been a friend of books or reading in general but Vegard was different. He brought 'Robinson Crusoe' from the hospital library for he remembered his brother getting excited up to an annoying level when he was twelve over inventions he would have made for survival if it was him, being stranded on that island.

So after the afternoon visit was through he placed himself next to Vegard on the bed again and read that old adventure story to him. Every once in a while he paused, looking at the peaceful face beside him and wished Vegard would comment the passages as he used to. If only he could, it would be the perfect place for Bård to stay for all eternity - no stress, no responsibilities, only a cosy pillow, his brother and a little nerdism.

 

 

He kept it going like that. His parents stayed at the hospital only a few hours a day, otherwise they used their chances to take care of not only Vegard's but also Bård's place with a thoroughness only parents could. Hege almost collapsed over the state Bård's bedroom was in, a room his charwoman was supposed to spare for privacy reasons.

Bård thought that was great for it enabled him to stay with Vegard as much as possible. He kept reading to him and when he got tired of that he told him about random trivialities or thoughts that were playing his mind. Days went by like in slow motion and Bård was not sure if it was the fourth or the fifth day of the coma as he was standing at the window, lamenting about the ugly sleet that was going down outside.

Slowly he strolled back to the bed but when he had reached the foot end, he stopped and held his breath. A pair of confused looking but otherwise wide awake brown eyes was looking at him.

"Hei...!" he whispered with a disbelieving smile, his heart bumping as if it planned to break his chest.

"Hei." Vegard responded with an almost inaudibly croak, blinking a few times.

"Do you..." Bård was not sure where to start. "Do you know where you are?"

"In a hospital I guess." Vegard answered huskily after he had scanned of his surrounding what he was able to, without moving.

"Yeah, right. You had an accident, ... you were hit by a van on your scooter and you....fuck!"

"Why you're crying now?"

"Because you were in a coma, idiot! For five days!" Bård sniffed, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. "We were worried whether you'd ever wake up again!"

"Five days..." Vegard tried to lick his lips. "That would explain why my mouth feels like a desert. Is there....water?"

"No, sorry... of course not. You had no use for it the previous days!" Bård rushed over to the signal button that would alarm the nurse and pushed it. "They will be here in a minute! Are you in pain or something?"

Vegard shook his head after he had made a quick self-check. "No, I'm only feeling dizzy."

The nurse who came in was excited to find him awake and informed the doctor in duty immediately via telephone. She brought some water for Vegard but told him to take one sip and otherwise to only flush out his mouth.

When the doctor came, a young, resolute man this time, he tested Vegard's eye reflexes, asked him questions about his life and let him do things like counting backwards or moving his fingers separately to find out, if the accident would have caused further damage to his brain.

"It's only superficial now but I'm pretty confident you made it out of this without major consequences. If your values stay like that for a few hours we can transfer you to a standard unit this afternoon."

"Wow, that's perfect!" Bård was so relieved, he felt almost drunk. "I'm gonna call Mamma and  
and Pappa, they need to hear the news. They would want to come over!"

"Are they here?"

"Of course they are! They stay at your house. Be prepared to have new curtains hanging everywhere when you go home."

"I don't have any curtains..." Vegard replied irritated.

"See!" Bård grinned and started following the doctor who was giving the nurse introductions for the settings of medication. Suddenly he felt Vegard grabbing his hand and clinching to it firmly.

"Bård?"

He looked down and met his brother's scared gaze.

" ...I can't move my legs!"

"No...!" For a few seconds he stared at him without a reaction while his heart was falling from it's height down to panic.

"Doctor, here's something wrong!" he called out when he found his voice back.

"What is it?"

Invitingly Bård tilted his head to make Vegard speak.

"I can't move my legs..."

The doctor frowned concerned and removed the blanket from Vegard's feet. With his clipboard he made a sight barrier so his senses won't get irritated and then moved his pen along Vegard's soles.

"Can you feel that?"

"Yeah, I do feel something. It's not like it's supposed to be but can feel that you touch me."

The doctor drove the pen further up his leg to find out up to which area his sensitivity was affected. It ended on his hipbone.

"Well, obviously there were further injuries on the third or fourth lumbar we hadn't noticed before. Probably some of the nerves are affected."

He turned to the nurse "Would you please force my colleagues down there to make some space for me at the MRI? We should check that immediately!"

The nurse hurried out and the doctor turned back to Vegard who still was clinching on Bård's hand, dragging his nails into his fingers.

"I know that you're shocked now because an injury of the spinal cord is always alarming but the fact that you can actually feel something in your legs is a very positive sign! We're going to have an MRI now soon to clear it up but I can tell you there's a high chance that you'll recover from that completely."

Vegard was very pale as he swallowed and nodded.

Bård would have loved to join him for the MRI but he got no permission. So he sat down in the plastic chair while they rolled Vegard out in his bed and tried to calm down his pulse. This emotional roller-coaster was not quite his thing.

 

 

 

It took almost three hours until Vegard returned from the MRI. Hege and Hannes had come and joined Bård waiting in a regular sick room that Vegard was supposed to stay in from now on.

When they brought him there, he came with a positive diagnosis.

"It's like they assumed beforehand - the nerve cord is injured around my fourth lumbar. It will heal on its own but it will take some time. I need to exercise. Actually the more the muscles get stimulated the more signals are send through the synapses which encourages the medulla to build out new nerve cells so more information can be send. You know it works like this..." Vegard simulated the form of two vertebrae with his hands to demonstrate what he was about to explain.

A silent giggle raised up in Bård's chest and when his parents looked at him they couldn't restrain themselves either and soon all three of them were trying to not burst out laughing aloud.

"What?" Vegard glared at them a little upset.

"You're awake!" his mother laughed.

"And your brain obviously was not damaged." Hannes added.

Vegard, who was sitting upright in his bed, rested against some pillows, crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

"Why for God's sake you learned all those details? You're back to life for only a few minutes and the first thing you do is to start studying medicine!" Bård chuckled incredulously.

"Because it's interesting! And it's my fucking back. It's important to learn that!"

"God!" Bård wiped the tears off his eyes that had gathered there when he had suppressed his laughter. "You have no idea how much I missed that!"

A shy smile crawled up Vegard's face as he looked at his family standing around his bed. "I'm sorry." he said silently.

"God, darling - what for?" Hege asked, concerned.

"For making you all worry so hard."

Bård had a sarcastic reply at the tip of his tongue but then he remembered the promise he had given Vegard and even more himself and he kept silent.

Vegard explained that it was planned, if no complications would arise, to transfer him to a rehabilitation clinic the following week, where he should train the mobility of his legs to support the healing process. It was hard to realize how positive things had developed within a few hours.

 

 

Hege and Hannes left some time later, after they had brought Bård a burger for dinner. Vegard was pretty envious; he was only allowed to have a half-filled bowl of soup.

"Soon, buddy. Soon you can have whatever you wish for!" Bård threw the burger wrapping into the dustbin so the smell wouldn't tease him any further.

"I absolutely hate soup!" Vegard growled.

"Yeah, we all know!"

Irresolute Bård stood in the middle of the room, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his jeans. His intention had always been to stay until Vegard woke up again, what now had happened. But going home into his empty apartment was somewhat strange; he felt a little lost at the thought.

"Would you..." he started, tapping his foot against a leg of the bed nervously, "Would you want me to stay overnight? I mean..."

"Would you?" Vegard blurted out, relief written all over his face.

"Sure... has become my second life, staying here with you." Bård grinned awkwardly.

"Yeaaaah...it would be great actually if I don't have to be alone!"

Vegard ran his tongue over his lips nervously.

"It is fucking unpleasant to lay all alone in the corridor of the radiology for hours after you have just woken up from a coma , wondering if you maybe stay a cripple for the rest of your life or not."

"Oh, shit! I'm sorry! I knew I should have put some pressure on them so they let me join you! Sometimes hospital staff is not exactly sensitive with those things."

Bård sat down on the edge of the bed and intervened hands with his brother as if they were about to close a pact. "You don't have to deal this shit alone. We're in this together, okay?"

"Thank you." Vegard answered with a husky voice.

"Is it true...? Did you actually stay with me the entire time? ...while I was gone?"

"Oh...hehe! Did Mamma tell you?"

"No...the nurse said something like that, when they brought the second bed. Its for you, she said."

Bård could feel his ears burning. Why everything had to be so much more awkward, now that he was awake?

"You scared the shit out of me, man! I don't know what I did if you died..."

"You'd missed me, huh?" Vegard responded, a bit too loud and his tone a bit too mocking to sound as light-hearted as he pretended to be.

"You have no idea..." Bård mumbled.

Embarrassed he realised that they were still holding hands and hurried to loosen the grip.

"Could you hear that I was talking to you a lot when you were in coma?" he asked as causally as possible.

Vegard wrinkled his nose and lowered his gaze as he was searching through his memories. "You read 'Robinson Crusoe' to me, didn't you?"

"Yeah!" Bård called out amazed. "You recognised that? Wow, that's cool! ...and, erm... all those other things I told you? Did you hear that too?" Tensed he bit his lips while he waited for Vegard to answer that.

"Um... I'm not sure. I think I understood that you were there, that much I can tell. What did you say?"

Bård grimaced. He should really get a grip and stop being embarrassed about what he felt for his brother just because it was a bit cheesy. He was grown up and it was pretty normal to be a little sentimental in situations like these.

"Dunno... things I never managed to say aloud during the years, when I took you for granted cause you were around constantly..."

"Like?"

"Umm..like how much I admire your talents and your knowledge and that I'm sorry for being such a brat all the time. And how lucky I am to be your brother. Those things..."

Vegard stared at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He opened his mouth and then closed it again wordlessly before he looked away.

"Thank you...." he murmured and cleared his throat.

"Was it okay to tell you?" Bård asked carefully when Vegard kept looking down on his hands.

"Yeah....yeah - it was! Absolutely okay... I'm not quite used to you being so ...nice, you know?"

He looked up again and held Bård's gaze. He could see a vain throbbing in his neck.

"I'm not quite used to you trying to die."

"Sorry, I won't do that anymore..."

"Promised?"

"Promised!"

They both laughed, relieved that it relaxed the situation. Then Bård stood up.

"Oh, umm... can I use your shower?"

"Sure." Vegard hummed.

"Don't touch my skin cream!" he called after him when Bård opened the door to the tiny bathroom.

"Idiot!" he chuckled. Vegard was back, no doubt!

 

When Bård came out of the shower, only in his boxers and t-shirt, he slipped under the duvet of the second bed and laid down although it was only eight. But Vegard looked exhausted and maybe he could watch some videos on his phone when he was asleep.

Vegard laid in silence on his back, one arm behind his head, obviously caught up in his thoughts. Eventually he turned his head and gazed over to his younger brother, laying opposite.

"Bård?"

"Hm?"

"Would you mind reading 'Robinson' to me again?"

A warm smile lit up Bård's face. "Sure, I can do that! Do you want me to start from the beginning? I mean, probably you missed some parts in the coma..."

"Nah, doesn't matter! I know it by heart anyway. Just ... read on where you stopped. Maybe my thoughts will stop spinning then. I don't want to ask for drugs."

"Okay."

Bård fished the book from the chair next to his bed where it had been laying among other stuff and searched for where he had stopped reading last time.

Before he began, he looked over to the other bed. He almost wished he could sneak over and snuggle up with Vegard like he had when he was unconscious. But that was quite a stupid thought. They were no kids anymore and Vegard was not dying. Things should go back to normal slowly - he could imagine Vegard's face if he suggested that! With a disappointed sniff he turned on his side and started reading.


	3. Chapter 3

To everyone's relief Vegard recovered rapidly. His brain was doing completely well and his spine only caused minor pain as long as he was taking his meds. Just that he still was unable to move his lower body.

Hege and Hannes flew back home and by the end of the following week Bård had found Vegard a small, private and not exactly cheap rehab at the periphery of Oslo. His room was pretty and sunny - well, at least on sunny days, which were rare in February - and the staff was friendly and knew their business.

Twice a day Vegard had physiotherapy, sometimes at a special gym, sometimes in a pool, as well as he had massages. Even a psychotherapist was part of the service, to support people who, like him for example, were confined to a wheelchair all of the sudden. Vegard didn't feel the need to talk to the man so they agreed to skip the meetings after two appointments.

Bård was joining him everywhere. It was not just a still lingering fear his brother could get lost on him again, they actually had found back to a form of brotherly friendship that they had lost since they were grown up men with duties. His mornings Bård spent at Concorde, working, but unless there was something really important that demanded his presence he drove to the rehab clinic at lunchtime to be with Vegard until visitors had to leave in the evening.

They spent their time by playing video games, watching movies or just random crap on You Tube they both found funny or they tried to play old songs on guitar from their memory only. Sometimes those things let to new ideas for comedy parts they possibly would use one day when Vegard was healed. But they always had fun just the two of them and Bård never got annoyed or bored or even wasted a single thought on possibly not going.  
Most of the time they stayed at Vegard's room or at least inside the clinic since Vegard was not keen on being seen by people who would recognize them and the looks they would give him in his wheelchair. That was something he insisted on.

So when Bård's birthday came several weeks later, he had to ask Vegard for having dinner at a restaurant to give him as a birthday present.

The restaurant he had picked was at walking distance, an upper price category Indian.

Bård shoved the wheelchair in the falling darkness through an unpleasant drizzle that had been going down the whole day and no one on the streets cared about them at all. Vegard started to relax.

 

At the restaurant an obviously Norwegian woman in a sari welcomed them when they were about to peel off their wet jackets.

"Welcome, gentlemen. A table for two?"

Bård laid his jacket over the back of the wheelchair and smiled at her. "That would be great. Is it possible to find a table somewhere in the back, a little separated maybe?"

"That's no problem. Please follow me."

She led them to a part of the restaurant where room divider and plants were hiding single tables from the insight of the main room.

"Here you are, if this is agreeable to you. Most of the couples visiting us ask for these tables to have a little privacy." she explained while she removed a chair to make space for Vegard's wheelchair.

Vegard snored out a laughter that he tried to suppress by pressing his knuckles against his lips while Bård stared after her with open mouth and an amused frown.

"What?" He shook his head and sat down.

"Excuse me, do you ever watch TV?" he asked curiously when she returned after a moment to hand them the menus .

"Gah...! Leave it!" Vegard murmured in a desperate tone and turned his face aside.

"I'm sorry, I rarely ever watch TV. I spend most of my awake time at this restaurant. Why you're asking?"

"Oh, never mind. Was just a question!" Bård smiled widely and took the menu.

"Why did you have to do this?" Vegard asked, frowning , when she had left. "Wasn't it embarrassing enough as it was?"

"Why was it embarrassing for us? I thought it would be fun to watch her cringe when she realizes her mistake." Bard shrugged. "Well, won't happen, it seems."

"You're unbelievable!" Vegard growled and opened the card.

"Now don't get grumpy, will you? It's my birthday after all so I'm allowed to make fun of people as much as I want to. And if you don't stop acting so inhibited, I'm gonna make fun of you!"

Vegard lent forward, resting his elbows on the table and cocked an eyebrow.

"Try!" he said in a challenging but amused tone.

Bård stared back at him through narrowed eyes for a minute before he shrugged.

"For dessert." he said loftily.

Vegard responded with a mocking snort.

"I finally don't need painkillers anymore, I want wine!" he announced resolutely.

"So wine we're gonna have!" Bård grinned. "You're going to pay anyway!"

Was there anything better then fooling around with his brother and a tasty dinner? He would not change this evening for any party in the world.

 

That was exactly what he told Vegard when they went back to the rehab later that night.

"Yeah, was not bad. The food was great. If only you stopped making people aware of us! You absolutely needed to tease that woman the entire evening, don't you?"

Bård giggled. "She was a tough nut! I bet she never heard of us in her whole life! Otherwise there's no way she could have missed all of my hints!"

"You got even more cheekily the more wine you had! I fear we can't show up there anymore."

"Pah! She doesn't know us, I'm telling you! And I don't get anyway why you are so hysterical with people recognizing you. Most of them are pretty tempered, no one would even accost us, I guess."

"Uh, again? Really? I don't want people to give me that look! I don't want anyone to pity me!"

"That's stupid, Vegard!" With some pressure on the handles Bård leveraged the wheelchair up the side walk in front of the clinic. "No one is pitying you. You will be healed soon, so what is there to feel sorry for?"

"You don't know how that is! Everyone is tiptoeing around me like I had the hardest destiny of all. Even you do!"

"Huh, what? I'm tiptoeing around you?"

"Yeah, you are so nice it's almost spooky! All your standard teasers - you rarely use them anymore, as if I was too frail to take them..."

"No, Vegard...that's not..."

"And then the fact that you come to visit me every fucking day - you pity me for I have to stay here so isolated!"  
  
"Wow, you're such an idiot!" With an aggressive turn Bård stopped the wheelchair and tipped it, including his brother, over the edge of the walk onto the wet lawn.

"What...? Fuck, Bård! Are you nuts?" Vegard cursed and turned himself with some effort to sit on his butt and face his attacker who stood on the walk with folded arms , grinning down on him.

"That's how much I pity you , you pathetic cripple!" he giggled gleefully.

"Jesus! Are you completely drunk to push me into the green space just like that?" Vegard was so aghast that he couldn't help but to laugh as well.

"Not as much as you, I'd say..." Bård gasped after he managed to stop giggling. "Are you aware that you're sitting in a puddle, more or less, but don't make the slightest try to get away?"

"What the heck is so funny about that? Now help me to get up for goodness sake!"

"I'm sorry!" Bård squeaked with a last laughter.

He came up behind Vegard, bent down, shoved his hands through underneath his armpits to fold them over his chest and pulled him up on his feet.

"Next time I'm gonna drown you if you say I pity you!" he hissed into his ear after he was standing. "I'm here because I want to be here, because I want to spend time with you, is that clear? And I stopped teasing you because I got aware that I used to be a brat for no other reason than wanting myself to be kick- ass cool. That's pathetic."

"Okay..." Vegard stabled himself by wrapping his own arms around his brother's and align his feet a tad so he had a better stand. "But it's still strange. You never did that."

"Are you complaining? I can crack some Turkish postman jokes if it makes you feel better!"

"No, not complaining, thank you. I only want to understand."

"How the hell can I explain that? - It is like we're back to be best friends, like we were when we came back from Mozambique. The first two years or so, when none of us had too many friends to hang out with or time consuming activities which the other one couldn't join. When we did everything together."

"You mean before Mara happened!"

"What do you mean 'happened'? It's quite normal to have a girlfriend at that age!"

"But you didn't do much more than 'having' a girlfriend, bunch of hormones that you were!"

"There he's calling me a bunch of hormones, listen to that!"

Bård laid his cheek against Vegard's ear and rubbed his hand over his rough jacket. "I'm having the best time of my life, hanging out with you! Do you get that?" he asked silently.

"I do. Same to me. That's...umm...nice to hang out with you again."

They both fell silent for a minute.

"Bård? Why are you still holding me like that?"

"Because the wheelchair is still laying on the lawn and I have no idea how to get you back in there!"

"Holy shit!" Vegard chuckled. "I can stand on my own if you let me take a hold on that street light. Come on."

Bård helped him to take two or three steps to the side where he clinched on the lantern pole standing there, while Bård turned the wheelchair back on his wheels again.

"And hurry up a bit! I'm freezing , my trousers are all wet."

"Shit! I never meant to make you sick or something. Sit down, hop!"

Vegard let himself drop into the wheelchair and Bård shoved him hastily inside, non-stop apologizing.

 

"Jesus Bård, could you finally stop lamenting ? I'm not angry and I want to take a hot shower. So please sit down and shut the fuck up!"  
Bård slumped on the small couch and waited for Vegard to come out the bathroom again. Eventually the door opened and he rolled out in sweatpants and one of his two hundred white t-shirts, his wet hair in wild curls.

"Would you mind if we call it a night? I'm still getting tired so early." he asked his slightly drunken brother who hung in the sofa like a sack of potatoes.

"Naaah... I can't get my ass lifted! And I can't drive because of that stupid wine. Can't you let me stay? We don't need to tell them!"

"Seriously? Where you gonna sleep? That sofa is even too tiny for two people to sit properly."

"Gah...I don't know!" Bård eyed his brother in his vehicle and pouted. "You could share your bed." he mumbled sulkily.

"What, my bed? It's a single bed, how can I share that? You should go home really!"

"Ah, god - Vegard! You're such a party pooper! When you were in coma, I already slept in your bed. Was no problem."

"You did?" Vegard stared at him with the most irritated look Bård had ever seen on him. He obviously cringed at the thought.

"You...uh-hm! But that's something different, I wouldn't move when I'm in coma. And I couldn't feel... I mean that's... It's way too warm so close and it's probably the stupidest idea you had in years."

"But it was fun...I could read to you again...!"

"Bård it's enough now! Get yourself a taxi and go home!" Vegard got loud. "No way I will let you sleep in my bed!"

"Okay...please don't get grumpy. It has been such a cool birthday."

"I'm not grumpy. You're just a little annoying when you're like that."

"Alright, I'm gonna go. Hug? It's still my birthday!"

"Sure."

Vegard spread his arms and Bård let himself drop on his knees in front of the wheelchair. Warmly they embraced and tapped each other's shoulder.

"Watch out you get home in one piece, you little boozer."

"I don't even feel that tipsy anymore...im only tired."

"Then rush home and sleep!" Vegard grinned and roughed up Bård's hair for he knew he hated it. "See you tomorrow.'

"Yeah, see you tomorrow!" Bård stood up and smoothed his hair back down.

He shouldn't had made that suggestion to share a bed, even if he still loved the idea, he thought when he left the room. Thank god, Vegard was not mad really, that would have ruined his birthday.

 

Come Wednesday the weather finally had become a little spring worthy. Green showed here and there, temperatures went up and the sun shone as bright as Bård's mood.

There had been a meeting with TVN this morning and they had fixed plans for a new show in late fall or winter, which leaves Vegard enough time to recover. Life was fricking good. And it seemed to get even better. When he passed the entrance hall of the rehab centre, the woman behind the counter called him.

"Your brother is out for a walk in the garden, Bård!"

"Huh? You mean he took a little tour with his wheelchair?"

She smiled happily. "No, I mean walk. He went on his own feet, with crutches! The doctor recommended it and the weather was just too fine."

Bård sent her a wide grin and turned on his heel to the back door that led into the little park behind the building.

Due to the sunshine many patients were sitting outside on the benches but there were a lot of hedges and trees so the park was little transparent when it came to finding one particular person.

He spotted Vegard in a separate corner at the very edge of the property. Obviously he had managed to walk all the way down the garden path and now he was taking quite all the space on a bench, with spread arms, holding his face into the sun. A proud smile lit up on Bård's face.

"Now look who's using his feet finally!"

Vegard looked up and grinned.

"Was about time, lazy ass!"

"Lazy ass! I'm came here all on my own, it's at least a hundred meter's walk!" He raised his crutches high in the air and made a triumphantly face "Yeeeeah!"

Bård chuckled and threw himself next to him on the bench. "I'm proud of you, no doubt about that! Seems to become a very successful day all in all."

"You were at the meeting this morning? What did they say?" Vegard's voice became a little worried.

"We made an agreement. They save us space for a show of our choice this fall. Insurance has paid for the loss they had because we only delivered half of a season so we're even, sort of. They believe in us to be the crowd pullers and we want to continue making good TV. Ain't we?"

"Sure!" Vegard replied excited and changed his position carefully. "What can we do?  
'I Kveld' again or something new?"

"Well, we have like four weeks to decide on that. I'd rather go for another talk show season. Could become too stressful for you if we had to build up a whole new concept."

"Nah, doesn't matter! To work out something new is a thing of sitting around a table or roaming the internet, not so much about running around. But I'm okay with one more round of talk show. Hey - I mean, I will get to stand in front of a camera again! There have been days when I was not sure that would happen. Oh! oh, wait..!"

He pulled himself up on one of his crutches and came to stand completely freehand on the lawn, opening his arms widely. " ...stand! in front of a camera!" he called dramatically.

Bård had sprung up also to make sure he would not stumble. Joy was tickling his stomach, life was just too perfect that very moment! He grabbed his brother around his waist, lifted him up with some effort and spin him around, laughing.

"Ouch! For fuck's sake Bård, that hurts!" Vegard complained but with a grin.

"Oops - sorry...sorry!" He let him down and helped him carefully to sit down again. "Did I hurt you?"

"The muscles are all tense from the exertion, that's what hurts. You did no damage." Vegard said breathless.

"Dear lord, Vegard then don't make such a fuss!" Bård bent down with a relived smile and stroked with his thumb over Vegard's cheek. "You little crybaby!"

A wave of affection run through him and without thinking about it the slightest he rested his forehead against his brother's, just enjoying the closeness for a few seconds.

It felt like the most natural thing when then he closed the gap and kissed him.

It was nothing weird or abnormal or what kind of thoughts one could have about it. It was just exactly what he wanted to do and it felt warm and soft and so much like home that he added a second kiss right after breaking the first one and then a third - short, playful ones, only for the sake of not letting it end.

Vegard didn't do anything the whole time, not answering the kiss but not pulling back either. When Bård stopped and squat down in front of him, he opened his eyes and stared at him with a blank expression, his hands clenched around the seat of the bench.

"What the hell are you doing, Bård?" he asked tonelessly.

It was then that Bård started to feel embarrassed eventually.

"It was nothing, really. I just felt like ...I just wanted to do that. I was not thinking, sorry!" He stood up and took a step back.

Vegard was panting and the way he stared at him appeared to be accusing, almost despairing.

"You were not thinking? If that's an excuse! I mean after all this years - how can you come and kiss me just like that? Am I supposed to be happy, or what?"

Bård frowned. "After which years? Of us being brothers?" he asked irritated. "Sorry, I know that was weird! But it doesn't has to mean too much actually. It just ... happened."

"Oh no! Don't do that! You can't keep pretending that there had been nothing. Hypocrite!"

"Sorry, I ... what? I don't know what you're talking about!" Bård was pretty unsettled by Vegard's reaction. He had no idea what kind of reaction he had expected but certainly it had not been this!

"You know what, just forget about it. Pretend it never happened!"

"How dare you!" Vegard's face was a pale mask and his knuckles had turned white from holding on to the bench. "Are you mocking me? I waited so long for you to speak up and now suddenly everything's different because it is you? Could you possibly be any more egoistic?"

"Come on, Vegard, this is strange, okay?" Bård got down again and laid his hand on his brother's fist. "Can't you just tell me what you're talking about?"

"Just get off and leave me alone!" Vegard whispered. His voice was strained, his eyes closed.

"Gosh, talk to me, I... "

"Get the fuck off and leave me alone!" he yelled furiously and so loud that people came over to see what was up with them.

Bård stood up and shrugged. He didn't want to provoke a public drama, after all people might know who they were.

"Whatever, Vegard. I'll come back tomorrow, okay? Just calm down. I didn't mean to harm you with what I did..."

He got no response, so he turned around and rushed out the garden and right back to his car.


	4. Chapter 4

When Bård came back to the rehab the next day he was pretty nervous. The entire previous day and half of the night he had been thinking back and forth about what he did and Vegard's weird reaction to it. Brooding alone was quite unusual for him. He had spend hours trying to put in words what had made him kiss his own brother just like that. Actually he had no idea. Fact was that he still didn't feel guilty or...ashamed, so it could not have been so bad, right?

Somehow, it hadn't even been _that_ kind of a kiss. Sure, it was no brotherly kiss, he would not deny that. But ... it had been more like his heart was overflowing and that was were it all had come out. That was innocent, wasn't it?

What concerned him more was the way Vegard reacted on him. Had there really been something he couldn't remember anymore? Had they been quarrelling ? But how could he have forgotten about that? 'Now that it's him' Vegard said - had he caught him kissing a man and had been shocked or made fun of him? Maybe at a party, when he had been drunk? Was that why he couldn't remember? But he really couldn't imagine that he did something like that. He would never judge anyone, especially not Vegard, for kissing whomever, not even when he was drunk! He had always been of the opinion that it really didn't matter if his brother was into men or into women as long as it made him happy.

One thing was clear - whatever it was, it had bothered Vegard big time and obviously for years. He could have talked to him after all, Bård found. Well, he had to do now!

 

He found Vegard up in his room, back in his wheelchair this time and he was not beaming with joy, one could tell right when opening the door.

"Hey...how you're doing?"

"Fine." Vegard didn't even look up from his laptop where he was going through some of their old material.

"Ah, okay... that's good." Bård said into the silence that followed. " You're busy, I see."

"Yep. I'm about to check which of the segments we had prepared but not shown, we could still use for the next season."

"Yeah, good idea!" Bård tried to ease the tension with a smile. "I can help you, if you want me to."

He paused.

"Can we maybe talk about yesterday?"

"Rather not."

"Are you mad at me? If you are, I could understand but I really think..."

"No. You can help or you can shut up."

"Jesus, Vegard, don't be so stubborn! Let me explain what..."

"Bård?"

"Yeah?"

"Are. You. Here. For. Working?" Vegard asked as if he was talking to someone really stupid.

"Nooo!" Bård responded the same way. "First I'd like to..."

"Then I want you to leave!"

"Seriously? Can we possibly act like adults? You could at least tell me what... Vegard!"

He cut him short by loosening the break of his wheelchair and rolling over to the bathroom. Before Bård was able to realize what was going to happen, he slammed the door shut and turned the lock.

Bård was speechless. Furiously he stared at the door. That was so typical of him! Never, no way, talk about feelings! Bård knew very well that it was pointless to stand around there any longer, Vegard was just too stubborn. Probably he would spend the whole day in the bathroom if he didn't leave. He would try again tomorrow, his pighead of a brother would not get away with that!

He turned around and left, slamming the door also, so Vegard knew that he was gone.

 

If he had thought Vegard calmed down over night, Bard had to learn that he underestimated his brother.

Day after day he came to see him but Vegard only agreed to talk work related things. Every time he mentioned the strange situation they were in, he shut down completely until Bård thought he would do best if he did as he had suggested himself - pretend it never happened.

What was problematic about making such a decision - he was not able to let the thought go. He had pondered so long about it meanwhile that he felt like his whole being was defined by the quarrel he had with his brother.

The worst of it was, that they weren't close anymore. They acted as if they were colleagues, working on a project. All this new found friendship, all the appreciation and affection Bård had enjoyed so much was put on ice. Sometimes he would sit there, when he was supposed to listen to Vegard's long- winded ideas , watching him instead, wishing he could just move over and hug him or rough up his shiny curls. And sometimes, if he stared too long at the even features of his face, he imagined how it felt to kiss him again. Bård frowned as this thought appeared. If he kept going like this, he made everything even worse.

Eventually he rested his chin on his hands and sighed. "Vegard?"

"Hm?"

"I can't do this anymore."

"What?"

"Ignore that there's something standing between us."

"No, no, no, no! Don't start again! I am not going to discuss..."

"Vegard, stop it!"

"No, I'm.."

"No, stop it, for fuck's sake!" Bård raised his voice and cut him off. " You can't just go on and on ignoring me, just because you feel uncomfortable talking about something! What about what I want?"

"Ah! Now you see how that feels, right?" Vegard growled, staring at his hands on the keyboard.

"Is that what this is about? Some stupid revenge for something I can't even remember?"

"Yeah...!" Vegard laughed mockingly. "As if!"

"Okay, I'm sick of of this! You will tell me now what you are talking about!"

"You should be able to figure out alone! It's not that hard really..."

"Uh! Dear lord! Okay, when it should have happened at least?"

Vegard looked up, dragging his gaze into Bård's eyes. "About nine years ago. The day we had started filming Norges Herligste." He furrowed his eyebrows, waiting for Bård's reaction.

Bård leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs, staring into thin air. He did his best to remember.

"Okaay...that was...Kristiansand. We filmed Tightsmannen.. First day of our travel...We stayed at Thon hotel... I remember I had a massive hangover when we were going to Oslo the next day! Was it something I did when I was drunk? Was I mean?"

Vegard sighed annoyed "Nah, not really. This leads to nothing, forget about it. My physio is starting in a few minutes. Can you please hold my wheelchair?"

Wordlessly Bård stood up and shoved the chair closer while his grumpy brother stood up on his still shaky legs and tapped over to his vehicle, where he slumped down.

"We're not finished yet! Just that you know!" Bård called after him as he was rolling out of the room. He got no response.

 

Bård was all caught up in his thoughts as he was walking back from the cafeteria where he had gotten himself a donut and a soft drink. It would still take more than half an hour until Vegard's physio was finished, so he was in no hurry.

What was wrong with him, he wondered for the hundredth time, why was he not able to understand Vegard's problem? Or maybe it was the other way round! Maybe nothing ever happened at all. Maybe it was something Vegard dreamed during his coma! Were people dreaming in a coma? Bård stopped when he recognised the door he had just passed. There was the office of the psychologist they both were seeing right after the coma. What had his name been again? Linder... Could he possibly just walk in there and ask him about coma patients dreaming or not? He should give it a try.

Bård knocked and opened and to his luck the first thing he saw was Linder.

"Hei Mr. Linder, I hope you don't mind me just popping up here like that! I thought, maybe I could ask you a few things."

The psychologist was about to make a note in a big calendar on the desk, his assistant was nowhere to be seen. He smiled when he recognised Bård.

"Ah, hello Mr. Ylvisåker! A few questions you say... Something serious?"

"Eh...actually I'm not sure."

"You know what?" Linder asked and scratched out what he had just written. "You won the lottery today! I got a cancellation for five o'clock this very minute. If you want to come, we could have a conversation then. What do you think?"

"Oh, wow - that is just perfect! I really don't think it will take that long but thank you so much!"

"Yeah, we'll see! Just come over, okay?"

Bård nodded, agreeing and raised his hand for good bye. That had been easy, really. Definitely more than he intended to do but after all it could not be bad to finally talk a little.

When he left, it was the first time in a week that he felt relived.

 

At five o'clock Bård returned to the psychologist's office. He hadn't told Vegard about it, he only would be pissed about his suspicion. Linder offered him a water and let him sit down in one of the narrow armchairs he already knew.

"So, Bård... we agreed to first names, didn't we?"

"We did, yeah. Claus, right?"

"Exactly. Now ...before we get to your questions - how do things go with your brother? "

"Uh, well.. If you asked me last week I said that it couldn't be any better. Actually this accident made us appreciate each other much more again. We hardly did before. I mean we were getting along very well over all but - you know how it goes with siblings. They will be there anyway,so you forget to be happy to have them."

"So that was good. And then what happened?"

"We had a quarrel about ... things. And then Vegard started to blame me of doing something I can't remember anymore."

"That happens."

"Of course it does. If he only told me what it was supposed to be, he's referring to! But he refuses to talk about it, says I had to remember. He suspects me pretending. But I tortured my brain for days now - I can't think of anything at all that should have happened the day he's taking about. You know, not like something I forgot about, more like something that has never been there. He's still mad at me though. I guess he expects an apology but I can't really apologize for something I don't remember, can I?"

"No, that wouldn't do it. So you wish to remember?"

"Either that or I thought maybe Vegard remembers something that never happened? Is it possible he dreamed something when he was in the coma and now he thinks it was real? Do people dream when in a coma?"

Linder grinned. "Nah, it's rather your fault, I think. Okay, all jokes aside - its more likely you forgot something than your brother confuses dream and reality. Yes, coma patients do dream but like it is with any other dream, you can tell afterwards that it has been a dream. So it's up to you."

"Grrr! Would have been nice!"

"I could hypnotise you."

"What? Hypnosis you mean?" Bård chuckled, a little insecure.

"Yes. There's a big chance I can make you remember if there actually is something to remember. You don't believe in hypnosis?"

"Eh ... I don't know. I never thought about something like that. It's a bit surprising. I came here for a few questions and now I shall end up being hypnotized."

"You don't have to believe in hypnosis to make it work, though. Do you wanna try ?"

Bård hesitated. It was an unique option to clear up what was lingering there between him and Vegard. But what ever it was he had forgotten, would it bring up the topic of that other problem they both had? And if it does - Claus was a therapist, he had confidentiality to keep. This was a save place.

"Okay... I'll do it! Do I need to do something...like laying down or such?"

"No, no. Its quite okay that way. Make yourself a little comfortable - take off your jacket and relax in your seat."

Bård did what he had been told.

"Okay, Bård. Now close your eyes. Relax your shoulders... relax your arms... and your legs. Do you hear the ticking of the clock on the wall? Do you hear the even pace of the ticking? It's always there, constant and calming... You're now all relaxed and save. Follow my voice and I will lead you to your memory. You're going back to that day where you lost it. How old are you?"

"I'm twenty-five. It's May 2007. We are just starting to produce our new show."

"Tell me were you are!"

"We are at a hotel in Kristiansand. We need to go further east tomorrow so we won't drive back tonight. I share a room with Vegard and we just took our bags from the car."

"Is that how you're usually doing it, sharing a room ?"

"Yes. We often do. Its cheaper."

"Okay, so where do you go now?"

"I want to take a shower, I feel weird in my clothes after today's shooting."

"Where is your brother, what is he doing?"

"Vegard stays in the bedroom, waiting for me to finish..."

 

_...when Bård was done showering he felt much better. The shooting in the bathtub had been fun but he had felt a little uncomfortable getting wet in an other man's clothes, like that foreign scent were still lingering on his skin._

_When he left the bathroom he found Vegard sitting in the middle of his bed with crossed legs, watching something on his laptop._

_"Hey, what is it, that makes you grin so much?" he asked, grabbing his pants that were laying on his own bed._

_"You! In tight jeans." Vegard looked up to him with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes and let his gaze wander up and down his frame appraisingly where he was dressing. "Nick just sent over a few pictures!"_  
_"Okay, show me!" Bård demanded with a wide smile and jumped on the mattress next to his brother._

_With a mixture of pride and embarrassment he watched the video snippets Vegard clicked on._

_"You have to admit I have some talent for being a model!" he said challengingly after the third one._

_"Yeah, you definitely have!" Vegard giggled. He changed his position a little to face him directly and copied his movements from the video, shaking his long, fuzzy curls. "You're going to be the next Markus Schenkenberg! You've got the looks, baby!"_

_"You bet I will!" Bård clicked on one of the clips again. "I mean - look at this!"_

_"Yeah..."_

_He looked up and met Vegard's eyes who was watching him instead of his video self. "I'm going to make this my new profession if this series turns out to suck." he said in a serious tone. "Prepare to become the brother of a supermodel, man!"_

_"That's cool. Supermodels make a lot of money. You can pay for my living too. I'm gonna be the creepy uncle hanging out in the basement."_

_"I've got kids to feed, Vegard!" He frowned mockingly "You can do your pilot thing ...but if people refuse to fly with you because they have no faith in your tiny body being able to control a plane, I'll pay you a pension. I'm nice."_

_"Aww...could you be any sweeter?" Vegard smacked his hand on his brother's nape, shaking him a little._

_The warmth of his hand was kind of pleasant to Bård. He closed his eyes and rolled his head, causing awfully cracking noises. " Aah, fuck...I'm getting old!"_

_"You're so old, bro!" Vegard giggled with this deep voice of his._

_"Yeah..." Bård let out a huff._

_When he opened his eyes again he found Vegard gotten even a bit closer, his gaze scanning his face lovingly._

_"What..?" he mumbled irritated but the unfinished question got answered when the other leaned in and tenderly pressed his mouth against his own._

_Bård was so surprised that he was not able to react at all for a few seconds. Vegard's kiss was not demanding or passionately, more like a question he didn't know how to answer. All he realised was that it was not even an unpleasant feeling. The soft lips touching him tasted like something very familiar, like a childhood memory and the fingers playing with the strands in the back of his neck felt so nice... But then it hit him what he was about to do and with a rising panic he pushed Vegard back and jumped off the bed._

_"Fuck! What are you doing?" Bård wiped his mouth with his sleeve and stared at his brother furiously._

_Vegard looked very small where he was still cowering on the bed with burning ears, his eyes full of fear. "I'm sorry ...really...I'm sorry! Don't be mad at me! It was just something I wanted to try for a long time now, so..."_

_"Something you wanted to try? Jesus, Vegard - bungy jumping, that's what people trying! Not kissing their siblings!" Hounded Bård ran back and forth in the small room._

_"So you didn't like it?"_

_"If I didn't...? That's just not the point, man! The point is, what the fuck has gotten into you?"_

_Vegard covered his head with his arms and squeezed his eyes shut. "Okay, it doesn't matter. Forget about it, will you?"_

_"Just like that? "_

_"Yeah, don't think about it anymore, just pretend it doesn't happen!"_

_"This is...I need to get outta here!" Bård sat down on his bed and put his sneakers on with rushed movements._

_Scared Vegard took his arms down . "No, Bård, no... Wait! Let's talk about this, okay?"_

_Bård grabbed his jacket and laid his hand on the door handle."Sorry, I can't right now, I just ... can't!"_

_With that he ripped the door open and left._

"Where do you go?"

"I go to the hotel bar and start to drink. I drink a lot that night."

"What do you feel?"

"I'm horrified. I'm afraid Vegard ruined everything we have with this stupid experiment. I can't let that happen."

"Okay, I will count to three now. After that you will be wide awake and refreshed. You will remember everything you told me. Alright?"

"Yes."

"One, two, three."

Bård opened his eyes and blinked a few times, irritated. "Wow, that was ...weird!"

"Can you remember now?"

"Yeah...yeah, actually I can. Its strange - the memory is back in my head as if it never was gone! How is it even possible that I forgot about that?"

"There are several possibilities. You said you drank a lot. And you were scared?"

"Ouh yes! My thoughts were like frozen! It was like ... every conclusion I made was leading into a direction I was not able to go. Not one step! Somehow ...there was no safe spot left in my life suddenly. I mean, everything I did... and what i still do is connected to my brother, somehow. It's been like a trap. I remember sitting there and throwing mantras 'This never happened, this never happened...'"  
"Hmm, that actually sounds as if you put yourself into a sort of self hypnosis. Could be. Doesn't have to, necessarily. Maybe you panicked so heavily that you were in a state of shock. Then the alcohol. Pick something, it doesn't matter really. They are all comprehensible explanations of your memory loss. It happens way more often then you would expect, that people make themselves forget about things they can't deal with.

What do you think now about what happened that day?"

"Oh...!" Bård sighed and rubbed his neck. "It's... different now. Something changed since his accident. I can't really judge him, because I ... uh, my goodness!"

Bård paused and let his gaze running around the room for a moment. "I kissed him too, last week."

"Aha. So these were the 'things' you were quarrelling about."

"Yeah, pretty much... Obviously we're both kinda freaky! Do you judge us for doing something like that?"

"Why should I? Its not my job to do that. Its not even forbidden."

"It isn't?"

"No. You're of the same sex. There's no law against that. Google it!" Linder said when he saw Bård's sceptical face. "The point is though - do you judge yourself?"

"Hmm." Bård sat for a moment, thinking. "No, I don't feel like I did anything wrong! It was an expression of how I felt that moment when I kissed him. I refuse to think that this is something bad! I still feel horrible when I think of what happened back then in Kristiansand, though. I left Vegard all alone with what he felt. ...god, I even used the exact same words as he did! He must have thought this was all a big joke for me. Fuck...!"

"So what do you think this actually means? In which way does your relationship changed, as you said?"

"I have no idea!" Bård ran his fingers through his long hair and frowned. "I got remembered how much I love my brother and how important he is for my life. And when I kissed him - I was so convinced for a while it was just an outburst of happiness but ... the longer I think about it the more I can feel some sort of...don't know...physical tension? ...building up in me...! Oh, god I can't believe I just said that!" he laughed embarrassed.

"What does that mean ? Is Vegard simply a save partner to explore your sexuality? Or is there more to it? Do you think you're in love with him?"

"Nah...! I ...would not put it that way! It's more... I don't know! I will have to find out first what's up with Vegard. We never had the chance to figure out what made him kiss me in the first place. We ... there is a lot I have to think about, I guess."

"Good luck with that, though. A pretty difficult topic you have to ponder about!"

"You're telling me!" Bård murmured.

He stood up and took his jacket back on.

"Come back any time though if you feel like talking it over."

They shook hands and then Bård went out into the metaphorical cold to ruminate about this new situation he was in.


	5. Chapter 5

The following day was the first day since the accident that Bård didn't visit his older brother. Vegard only received a message, telling 'I'm busy today. See you tomorrow'.  
If one thing was perfectly clear to Bård then it was that there was no way they could not talk about it. He just didn't know how. He couldn't face Vegard until he had figured out how he himself felt about all those confusing aspects of the situation. And after that - how he should let Vegard know what the results of his thinking were, when actually he had no idea what Vegard's point of view was. Finally there still was the problem that Vegard refused to talk to him...

So the next day he came back with a plan, right after the morning physio when he knew, Vegard had just been back in his room.

Without knocking he ripped the door open and scanned the situation. Vegard was sitting in his wheelchair, next to the table. Damn it! He should not be able to escape him again! Hastily Bård grabbed one of the crutches that were leaning at the bed and blocked the wheels of the wheelchair with it.

"What you're doing?" Vegard blurred out irritated.

"Using my advantage. You will listen today, if you like it or not!"

"Bård, that's ridiculous! I can stand up if I want to!"

"I'm gonna push you down if you try. Don't make me prove it!"

Vegard responded with an annoyed growl when Bård violently turned his wheelchair around to face the sofa before he took out his jacket and sat down opposite of him.

"What is this going to be?"

"It's going to be a very serious conversation so you better shut up and listen."

Vegard frowned challengingly and folded his arms over his chest.

Bård rested his forearms on his knees and stared down on the carpet to find the words he had prepared.

"Okay. So I remember now. I remember what happened back then between us."

"Oh you do, yeah? What a surprise - all of the sudden he remembers!" Vegard gave him a look that should tell him how much he gave a shit about this confession.

"No, not all of a sudden! Actually I had a hypnosis. I was not lying when I told you I couldn't remember. The memory was buried."

"Hypnosis?" Vegard's tone was mocking.

"Yeah! It was rather random. I met Linder to ask him something and he said, he could make me remember."

"Linder? The psychologist? What did you want to ask _him_?"

"I wanted to check out all possibilities. I asked him if maybe the coma or the accident would have made you remember things that never happened."

"Oh yeah, right! Because I'm a psycho!"

"Vegard!"

"No, it's true. You found out and you can't even face me anymore. After all you stayed home yesterday..."

Vegard stared at the armrests of the sofa as if it's floral pattern was the most interesting thing he had ever seen.

"No... No, that's not how it is. I stayed home because I had too much to think about... It's strange when you get your memory back with hypnosis. You remember very clearly, as if things happened just yesterday." Bård paused and leaned back into the sofa to have a better view on his brother, who still refused to look at him.

"Do you know what I pondered about the most? You said you wanted to try kissing me for a long time."

Again he stopped and waited for a reaction, but in vain.

"What does that mean - long time? It was more than some post puberty experiment, wasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"How long?"

"Like... ever."

"Ever? ...Vegard! We can make this a quiz if you want to - I make a guess and you just say yes or no!" Annoyed Bård threw his hands in the air.

Vegard kept chewing his cheek for a moment before he cleared his throat.

"Like since you were old enough to have such thoughts about you, okay?

"So that's why you... Is that the reason you never had a steady girlfriend or something?"

"Because I am a pervert who only gets hard when thinking of his own brother? Yeah, that's pretty much how it is!" For the first time Vegard looked up and straight into his eyes.

Bård stared back wordlessly for a moment. "You mean...you never were with someone because you wanted to be with me all that time?" he asked, almost whispering.

"Yeah. That's the bitter truth."

Bård squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back on the backrest, swallowing hard.

"You'd never have brought up the whole thing! I know it's disgusting!" Vegard made an effort to get up from the wheelchair to escape the situation. "Some things should better stay untouched, I told you!"

"No, no, no! Vegard wait! Sit down, okay?"

Hastily Bård straightened up again and laid his hands over his brother's, clinching the armrests.

"It's not like that! It's... - my heart almost breaks, thinking how fucked up your life must have been. It's hard to imagine..."

Vegard slumped back in his wheelchair and sunk down as if someone had pulled a stopper.

"Why do you had to kiss me? I was fine. My life was arranged perfectly. The freak in me was very well hidden over the years and you just ruined everything!"

"You were really good at hiding, I have to admit." Bård stroked his brother's fingers with his thumbs before he let go of his hands and sat back properly. "If only I knew..."

"And then what? You could have pitied me again?"

"It's not pitying... it hurts, Vegard! I was praying so hard it weren't like that when I guessed it yesterday! When I recall all those situations I have put you into!... and that you never came to talk to me after you kissed me just because I got wasted so heavily..."

He paused and they both remained silent for a while without daring to look at each other.

"But then again..." Bård sniffed and scratched his jawline. "I don't think I would have been able to handle any of this back then. I remember but too well how much I panicked."

"But now you can, it's that what you're saying?"

"Actually I think I can, yeah!" Bård bent to the side a bit to catch Vegard's gaze. "It's different now. You are different, the way I look at you, ... just everything!"

The bitter expression on Vegard's face didn't leave. "Why? Because you thought I died? Or because you kissed me once in the spur of a moment?"

"No..." Bård looked down on his hands and smiled. "Because actually I can't stop thinking about it."

"About my accident?" Vegard asked but then his eyes got wide."You're thinking about to kiss me?" His voice was hoarse when he looked at him, his face displaying doubt.

"Yeah...pretty much every day since I did first! In the beginning I tried to shove the thought aside but, to be honest, yesterday for example I thought so much about it that it distracted me massively from making the decisions I wanted to make."

"What decisions were you thinking about?"

Bård could hear the slight tremble in Vegard's voice when he was asking that. He caught his gaze and held it.

"Well, should I listen to my head or my gut...? How to talk to you..."

He moved himself to sit on the edge of the sofa, his knees spread wide, framing Vegard's legs and his wheelchair. Now they were much closer.

"Should I ask you if I can kiss you again...?"

The disbelief in Vegard's face was almost funny. Bård reached out to grab his hands, laying on his lap.

"I should give it a try, don't you think? So ...can I kiss you again?"

Vegard didn't answer. He was breathing heavily through his nose and closed his eyes. Slowly Bård leaned in and pressed his lips carefully against his brother's.

For a moment they just held the touch as if to adjust to the new sensation but then it was Vegard who moved his mouth into a slow, tender kiss.

Bård was surprised how much he loved what he felt. The way Vegard's kiss became more and more demanding without losing it's tenderness, the taste of his tongue when he eventually opened his lips to invite him in, the unfamiliar roughness of kissing someone with beard stubble and most of all - the wild shot of endorphins that was tickling inside his whole body, making him almost want to moan loud - which he would never do because he would prefer to not sound like a porn actor to his own ears.

He let go of the hands he was holding and cupped Vegard's face, burying his fingers in his curls to intensify everything just a little bit more.

Vegard backed away a tad, just enough to get some air. "Please...please... you can't be playing with me!" he whispered into Bård's mouth.

"I never would!" Bård murmured back . "Never ever would I do something that hurts you so much on purpose ..."

Needy he pulled Vegard back in and let his tongue slide along his bottom lip. All too willingly Vegard came back to answering his caresses.

Suddenly Bård interrupted their intimacy. "Come here!" he grinned mischievously, bent back on the sofa and pulled at Vegard's hands to make him get up from the wheelchair and let himself drop into his waiting arms.

Awkwardly they tried to move themselves into a position on the tiny sofa that would allow them to lay comfortably and face each other. It was only possible with their bodies pressed together tightly but that came them both in handy.

Bård couldn't help but giggle after he had settled his head on Vegard's arm and their eyes met again for the first time.

"God, this is so weird!"

"...telling me! I don't know how many million times I imagined this. I had completely given up on it to become reality! Strange...!"

"Come on, tell me I'm better than your imagination!" Bård cocked his eyebrows and poked Vegard's perfect nose teasingly with his own.

"Yeah, you're better in every aspect!" Vegard chuckled humming. He knew how to please his little brat of a brother. "...you never feel embarrassed or something, do you?"

"Nope." Bård lied nonchalantly. "I feel just perfect right now! I could keep doing this for the rest of my life! Okay, or at least the rest of the day."

"Then you should stop talking finally..." Vegard mumbled and hungrily pressed their lips together again.

 

After about an hour they found themselves spread out on the floor with the sofa cushions in their backs , enjoying the afterglow of what they just had found out. So they were keen on each other?...in love with each other? What ever it was it was strange but wonderful.

Bård laid, his head snuggled into Vegard's armpit, on his back, pensively playing with the fingers of his left hand.

"Vegard... what was it like? When you found out you liked me the wro ...in an unusual way? You said it has always been like that but how do you noticed?"

"Yeah... it wasn't even exactly the truth. I just simplified earlier. Actually I remember pretty well when I found out that there was something wrong with me." With his free hand he traced his lips thoughtfully and hesitated a moment.

"I mean, I had always been jealous of everyone who stole your time from me. Your buddies or even more Mara! I was telling myself you were too young for a girlfriend... I always thought it was just because it kept us from doing stuff together I found entertaining - I didn't have friends who had fun trying to play songs backwards and such!"

They both chuckled at the memory.

"It was when you started school theatre and I saw you perform on stage for the first time. I, umm.... it made me aroused, so to speak."

Bård burst out laughing and got up on one elbow to look at his blushing brother. "Seriously? You got a hard on sitting in the audience watching me?"

"No! ...you..."

"But that is what you said just now! You..."

"No I haven't! I tried to..."

"Yes you have!" Bård interrupted him giggling. "Is there anything that could possibly be more embarrassing than that? Betrayed royally by your own body!"

"Haha. Stop it now!" Impatiently Vegard pushed Bård's head back on the cushion. "It wasn't like that! Not in the audience. It happened when I was back in my room that night, when I thought of you up there on stage."

"Ah, okay." Bård made himself comfortable again. "Sorry, but that was just too..."

"Yeah, yeah. I know!"

"But that it happened when you were alone is a whole different story. Getting hard while thinking of your brother is something I can relate to."

"Really?" Surprised Vegard stopped playing with Bård's hair as he had just started. "You're getting hard thinking of me?"

"I did when we kissed earlier." Bård admitted frankly.

"Yeah? How could I have missed that?"

"Because I didn't want to let you see. It was a little surprising for me as well."

"Wow." Vegard laughed silently. "What a day..."

 

After a moment of silence Bård turned to his side and rested his head on his hand to look down on the man he suddenly found so attractive.

"Are you into men? What would you say?"

"Hmm, not explicitly. All I can say for sure is that I'm into you. But women have their advantages too. As well as men..."

"Oh yeah, I always wanted to ask - this friend you had, from pilot training some years ago - what was his name? Robert? You weren't just mates, ain't you?"

"Robert, yeah. No, we weren't. It only lasted a few weeks, though."

"What made you end it?"

"He was not you."

Bård made a sympathetic grimace. "I'm amazing, ain't I?"

"You're the most amazing shit I ever saw in my life!" Vegard chuckled and pulled his head down to steal a kiss.

"Why were you asking ? Are you concerned to be gay?"

"Nah, I didn't even wasted a thought on that by now! I think I have enough kids to prove that I'm not gay!"

"So what am I then? A dog?"

"No, idiot! I mean I'm into everything that comes across and attract me, if it's men or women or siblings and if it turns out you're actually a dog, then I'm into that too!"

"Welcome to the world of freaks, where you will never be able to live a normal life!" Vegard responded with a sad smile. "I admire you for being so open. But it hasn't always been like that. I remember you cringing every time you had to deal with something gay."

"I was a baby back then, man! A baby with one or two own babies and one sexual partner during all my life!"

"And now you're so much more experienced since you're single again?" Vegard grinned.

"Nah, mainly I got older. I've only been with two ... no, three actually, if you count the party in. Four women altogether don't make me exactly a playboy."

"Wow, you can't even remember properly how many they were?"

Although he was grinning, Bård could see how uncomfortable Vegard was when he was talking about the women he dated.

"See how random they were? You aren't..."

Gently he laid his index on Vegard's lips and stroked the delicate skin. Vegard stopped him by grabbing his hand and pressing a kiss on his knuckles.

"Jørn wanted to come for lunchtime. We should get up or he will catch us on our playground. Can you help me up?"

Bård stood up and reached out to pull Vegard by his arms until he stood on his own insecure legs. Supportingly he laid his arms around his waist and pulled him close.

"Everything fine, Vegard?"

For the first time they both were standing, tightly embraced.

"Um-hm." he answered with a tiny smile, resting his face against his brother's. "Best day ever. Or in other words - the first day of my new life. Not when I woke up from the coma, as I thought... it's today!"

Bård pressed a peck on the so familiar face in front of him. He knew he would do everything to make that day exactly this - Vegard's start into something better.

 

Since the day everything changed, it suddenly seemed that Vegard put double effort on his healing process. His wheelchair was standing in a corner, unused most of the time and he was moving with his crutches so fast after a short time that Bård had trouble following him.

When he mentioned it, he earned a grin.

"I need to get back again on my own feet! I feel like a kid when you have to take care of me all the time."

"But I don't look at you that way, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, it's okay, I understand that." Vegard put his crutches down and sat on the high, orthopaedic bed that was dominating his room. "But, see, we have always been absolutely equal partners when it comes to work and that is what was basically our life for more than fifteen years now. I don't want it to be any different in our personal ...thing."

"Relationship, Vegard, it's called a relationship!"

"Really? What do you know...! Whatever, it feels shitty when we're not equal."

"Okay, I understand. It's important."

"It's important. And I have only two weeks of rehab left anyway. I want to be as fit as possible so we can start right away doing something interesting! Don't know... having any kind of project. I need to do something, something that matters! Something else than exercising or my brain will wrinkle!"

"Uh, yeah! We should go to Taiwan or so, doing crazy stuff!"

"Yeah, let's do this!"

Vegard raised his hand to give him a high five and Bård grinned when he noticed how he was tempted to refuse the offer out of a habit. He met Vegard's hand and grabbed his fingers afterwards, holding them for a moment while he beamed at him.

"We're gonna have so much fun! We should do all the stuff we never dared to try!"

"Definitely!"

Vegard scanned every centimetre of Bård's face carefully before he grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him close.

"It's..." he started, mumbling, but ended up just shaking his head quietly.

"You're fine?"

"Yeah... yeah, absolutely! I'm not quite sure, though if it should be allowed to be so happy!" he said somewhat irritated.

"Idiot! Why shouldn't it?" Bård replied with a silent chuckle and leaned forward until Vegard fell down on his back and he came to lay on top of him.

Vegard grinned amused.

"Hey you..."

"Hey!"

"What you're up to?"

"Oh, don't know... a little snogging maybe?"

Teasingly Bård moved his mouth along the jawline of the beautiful man underneath him without actually touching it. It seemed he could never get enough of kissing, touching, breathing in this man who used to be his brother and now suddenly was so much more.

Vegard tried to catch his lips briefly before he grabbed the back of his head to make him hold still and meet his gaze.

"We need to be careful, okay? You know I can't lock my door."

"Naw, come on! The only person I can think of who would walk into your room without knocking is me and I'm busy at the moment!"

Bård wrapped his arms around his shoulder and waist and made them both roll around until they came to lay straight on the bed. He knew Vegard could not have his legs hanging down any longer or it would start aching.

Almost impatiently he forced their lips together again the second their heads touched the pillow and it didn't take long until he let his tongue slip into Vegard's mouth and their kisses started to become more heated.

 

After a while Bård broke the kiss, panting, and instead pressed his lips against the soft spot underneath Vegard's ear, one hand buried deeply into his curls, holding tight onto him. He was pleased that Vegard hadn't shaved this morning. The way the stubble scratched his skin and made his lips all sore made him very aware of the fact that he was with a man. A fact that was surprisingly more exciting than he could have imagined.

"I could eat you all up!" he whispered against the vulnerable neck, almost tempted to leave a love bite.

Feeling Vegard shiver from the soft sucking of his lips, he carefully moved his hand down his chest to the seam of his sweater, finding his way underneath the fabric.

Vegard gasped when he felt Bård's hand caressing the hot skin of his stomach. Surprised he stiffened and laid a hand on Bård's arm to make him pause.

"Hey, wow! What you're doing? Well, I ... umm, I love the bare thought of it, don't get me wrong. But shouldn't we wait until I'm back home? I really can't relax here!"

Bård sighed.

"No, in earnest, we can't be sloppy with that! When someone walks in on us it's not just embarrassing, we got a real problem then. You must learn to be aware of that!"

"Vegard, please, just a little touching!" Bård's gave his voice a hint of whining. "I'm so prepared for that!"

"How do you mean - prepared?"

"Getting used to...like..."

Bård considered his choice of words and started anew.

"See, I'm quite sure of my feelings for you but it's not like suddenly you're a different man...you know, like someone I meet and is a potential sexual partner when looking at him? It's...difficult. I needed quite a while before I ...well, found out how to have fun touching myself while...you know - thinking of you!"

Vegard blushed to Bård's amusement and cleared his throat. "You trained, yeah?"

"Now look at you! It's weird for you too, isn't it?"

"Yeah man, of course it is! It's weird that you know, weird to talk about it aloud!"

"Then we should put some effort on getting used to it. I did my best - I mean, yeah, I trained!" Longingly Bård started nibbling on his neck again. "And now I need to have a little field study, a try out..."

With the tip of his tongue he painted little loops on Vegard's salty skin while shoving his hand back where he had been stopped before.

"Just a little bit more today, okay?" he whispered "I just want to feel your skin. We can go baby steps but those I want! ...I want them so much! Is it okay for you? Say it is okay...!"

"Hmm, what?" Vegard murmured absent minded, his eyes closed. "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

Bård grinned triumphantly against his brother's shoulder before he continued his endearments. Slowly he led his hands explore the body underneath the sweater that had seen like a million times but that he never before touched like this. To his joy Vegard started mirroring his touches so after a while his head was in a white fuss of warmth and skin and scents.

Bård was very tempted to take off his shirt when a rhythmical knock on the door ripped them violently out off their cloud.

Scared they both broke away and stared at each other for a second. Then Vegard hissed out a curse and with a hasty movement he pushed his brother out of the bed.

With a hard thud Bård hit the floor. The duvet hanging down from the bed covered him against the door side and so he remained lying there trying to suppress the pain in his right elbow where it had hit the ground violently.

Vegard sat up properly and tried to smooth his curls before he called a slightly too loud "Yeah?" towards the door.

"Hey man! I thought I'd come over, see how you're doing!" Bård heard Calle's voice from the other side. "Where's your douche of a brother? Not here today?"

"Hey! Good to see you! Yeah, speaking of Bård ... he went to get me something to drink like fifteen minutes ago. Could you just check if they caught and locked him or something?"

"Sure, right back!" Calle answered happily.

When he heard the door closing Bård awkwardly got up from the floor, rubbing his arm.

"What the hell, Vegard! Was it really necessary to kick me out off your fucking bed? I hurt my elbow!"

"I'm sorry! I kinda...panicked. What if he just opened the door, finding us like that? I told you I would not like to make out here in the clinic!"

"Yeah, whatever. Congrats for how strong your legs already are again! Who could have guessed you can use them so effectively for pushing people!" Bård said in a sarcastic tone and walked over to the bathroom to make himself presentable again.

"Bård, come on! Don't be mad! I didn't mean to hurt you!" Vegard called after him.

Bård didn't answer. He threw a glance into the mirror and took Vegard's comb. When he raised his arm to fix his hair a stinging pain in his elbow made him frown.

Muttering curses he opened the little cupboard on the wall containing a first aid kit and grabbed one of those emergency cooling packs, broke it and then pressed it against the hurting joint. In the mirror he met Vegard's gaze who stood leaning against the door frame. He looked miserable.

"You're mad, aren't you?"

"No Vegard, I'm not mad."

He stroked his arm, passing him and pressed a dry peck on his lips.

"I just... I could be happier, let's put it like that."

"You didn't think life would be all sunshine from now on, did you?"

"I didn't think anything I guess..." Bård picked up the duvet with one hand and placed it back on the bed awkwardly. "Let's drop that now okay?"

 

Two minutes later Calle was back.

"Hey, there you are! I was looking for you!"

Grinning he threw himself on a the sofa next to Bård.

"Yeah... I hit my elbow in a closing door and was on an odyssey to get a cooling pack." Bård lied smoothly, grinning back.

"Aww...clumsy dumbass!" Calle chuckled, patting his intact arm. " So, guys - what are we up too today?"

Bård smiled widely while feeling like shit on the inside. He hated lying to his friend so brazenly. He basically hated lying to anyone. If that could ruin a day that had started so perfectly...well, hopefully crap like that wouldn't ruin their whole relationship.


	6. Chapter 6

Just a week before Vegard would turn thirty-seven the time finally had come for him to go back home. Bård knew he was very eager to leave the place he had spent the last three months of his life at.

He had put some effort in preparing Vegard's home properly for his return, like opening the windows and filling the fridge. He was happily excited when he picked him up from the rehab to drive him home. Finally things would return to normal. A completely new normal but nevertheless a normal. A small part of him had always felt as if Vegard could be taken from him again any time as long as he was surrounded by doctors and wheelchairs and therapeutic furniture. Now he would be home, placed in his own stuff, which made him much more Vegard and Bård feeling much more secure.

Given that they had stopped exchanging endearments almost completely after the last disaster, apart from stealing a few kisses for Hello and Good Bye, Bård had imagined to pin Vegard against the next wall and made them explode in a cloud of passion the minute they'd be home and the door was closed behind them but of course it didn't went like that. They were awkwardly, almost shyly sneaking around each other as soon as they had left the clinic, suddenly faced with some sort of privacy.

Bård carried Vegard's luggage into the bedroom and then went back, standing in the doorway insecurely, watching his big brother who was inspecting his house, hands in the pockets of his jeans, not right sure what to do with himself.

"You bought flowers!" he grinned referring to the big bunch of spring flowers standing on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah. Uh, I had some inner fighting going on about that, saying, I felt exactly like your face looks right now, for doing something so sappy. But then I thought, fuck it - I wanna do this so I should!"

"Yeah ... they're beautiful. Thank you."

Vegard softened his grin into a diffident smile and went to stroke Bård's side and set a soft peg on his cheek. Bård raised a hand to hold him but hesitated until the chance was gone.

"Are you hungry? I bought a lot of stuff, your fridge is filled!"

"Ohh, yeah! I want something really unhealthy! Let's have pizza or burgers or whatever! The food at the clinic was okay but I can't have any green stuff for at least a week!"

"Pizza, yeah?"

"Pizza!"

"Okay, I call some in!"

They grinned at each other in anticipation, feeling a little stupid. Bård clapped his hands and went for his jacket to get his phone while Vegard started unpacking his bags.

 

"What the hell have you ordered?" Vegard laughed, opening the giant boxes the delivery guy had just presented him.

"Maxi pizzas! Ham and cheese, one and the other Hot Chicken." Bård pushed the remote aside to make enough space on the couch table and let himself drop on his knees in front of it.

"Who is supposed to eat these masses?"

"I'm gonna feed you with unhealthy stuff till you puke. You don't have to miss a thing anymore!"

"Woohoo! That's exactly what I was longing for!" Vegard lowered himself on the couch and took the first slice. "Eat til I puke..."

"Gawd, the Hot Chicken is the shit! You need to try!" Bård already chewed.

"Okay...let's see!" He stuffed the most of one slice into his mouth. " ...hmm, great!" Vegard swallowed. "You know what I'd love to do after we've killed this pizza? Some old-school gaming! On my old PlayStation, anything we haven't played in ages..."

"Ah, okay...retro-gaming! How about C'n'C?"

"Perfect! ...argh, fuck!" Vegard frowned heavily and covered his mouth with one hand. "This Hot Chicken is fucking worth it's name!"

"Oh, thank god! I thought it was me being a pussy!" Bård moaned and lift himself up from the floor. "Wait... I know how to deal that!"

He returned with a big box of vanilla ice cream and a tablespoon. Generously he shovelled out some of the soft white mass and carefully shoved it into his brother's mouth.

Vegard sighed relieved around the spoon, keeping the whole thing in his mouth for a minute.

"Good?" Bård smirked.

"Um-hm!"

"Now, gimme. I want some, too!"

Slowly Vegard pulled the spoon out of between his lips and throw an intense gaze on the other side of the table. Bård dropped the hand he had raised to take the spoon and got lost in those wonderful brown eyes that looked at him with a certain sparkle he hadn't seen there yet. He felt a little dizzy, staring back.

"Come here, I'm gonna help you!"

With a cocky smile Vegard reached over for his neck, pulled him close and pressed his opened lips against Bård's.

Bård almost swooned over the sensation of Vegard's cold tongue dancing around his own, soft lips caressing his mouth, the relief it brought to the flayed nerve ends in his mouth, the tiny electric shocks dancing through his body.

Eventually Vegard pulled back and looked at him as if he was something extremely precious, an antique plane the least.

"You..." he hummed in one of his lowest tones. "I'm so happy to have you!"

Bård could feel his ears burning but he answered the gaze bravely and smiled.

"Same." he said, crinkling his nose. "Umm, you ...wanna start gaming now?"

Vegard nodded, smiling and they both began to clear the table and install the console.

They sat on the couch together. Vegard sitting upright on one end and Bård taking the rest of the space by resting his legs on the cushion. Searching for contact he shoved his toes under Vegard's thigh, getting his permission when he lifted his leg to let Bård's feet slip under, a tiny smile playing his lips and leaving Bård with a vague feeling of this being sort of the essence of how he wanted life to be from now on.

 

 

After three hours of battling and building cyborgs Vegard threw his controller on the table and stretched out uncomfortably.

"Ouch! My back hurts really bad. Enough for today!"

Bård shrugged and turned the game off. "Okay, that was quite a while anyway."

Vegard stood up, rolled his pelvis a few times to loosen up the musculature and limped to the kitchen counter. "I just can't sit for so long. They said I have to get up and walk a little once in a while. Kind of believe them now."

"You shouldn't have sat so lazily as you did! I humped those ergonomic pillows for you to use them. Just saying."

"Eh, yeah mum, thank you!" Vegard said, waving his hand snidely. "Coke?"

"Yep" Bård followed and laid his arms around him from behind. "I have orders from your therapist to take care of your laziness, don't you forget that!" he murmured, resting his chin on his shoulder.

Vegard chuckled a little. "I know ...and I appreciate - sometimes!"

Bård shoved his hands under his brother's sweater and and rubbed his lower back in small circles.

"Is it there, where it's hurting?"

"Yes!" Vegard hissed. "Your hands are cold!"

"I know. Always happens when I'm gaming. Shall I stop?"

"No..." Vegard relaxed noticeably under his hands. "Mmmm... You really could keep doing that for a while!"

"Your wish, my command!" Bård made an effort to massage his back extensively, for medical reasons only of course...

"Hey...?" After a few moments Vegard turned around to face him.

"Hm?"

"It's ten already... Do you want to stay? With ...me? You know, spend the night with me or how can I put it?" He brought his face closer and rubbed his nose against Bård's cheek.

"Gosh, I thought you'd never ask!" Bård raised his voice teasingly. "Do you think it's save here now? No one spying on us? No kicking out of bed? No hiding in wardrobes? Just us, pleasing each other?"

"Yeah, actually you're not so pleasant right now...rather say you're pretty mean!"

"Sorry!" Bärd wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller man's neck and hid his face in his messy curls. "Didn't mean to! My big mouth..."

"You know that I'm doing this to protect us, to protect you, yeah?" Vegard held him as close as he did.

"I know and I really love you're adulting around me. Makes me realize that you're back to normal. Don't know... probably I'm just frustrated. Sexually and generally from all complicated shit in life..."

"Well, some of your frustrations I can help you with..." Vegard mumbled into his ear, his breath on his skin giving Bård goosebumps.

Now he took his turn to let his hands slip under his brother's loose t-shirt, slowly stroking the soft cool flesh of his back and hips, carefully exploring every little part. Bård felt a little ticklish when Vegard's fingers started to paint circles around his bellybutton.

"Do you know that I love your belly?"

"Yeah? My wobbly, lazy-old-man-luxury-belly?" he giggled.

"Naw, I think it's charming!"

Slowly Vegard got down on one knee and carefully placed a few soft kisses on the area.

A gasp escaped Bård. "Do you know that I love it when your stubble scratch me?" he whispered.

"Really? No, I didn't know!" Challengingly Vegard rubbed his chin up across his chest until they were facing again.

"Me neither, just found out."

"So why don't you let me try that some other places, too then..."

With a smooth movement he helped Bård out of his t-shirt and started to kiss him again all over his chest.

Suddenly Bård didn't feel so comfortable anymore. He felt exposed, embarrassed and like doing something only because it was kind of an appointment, not because he wanted it to happen. He pushed his hands against Vegard's shoulders to make him stop.

"Uh...awkward!" he pressed out with his eyes closed.

"You don't like it? Last time you did!" Vegard straightened up and laid his arms around him, protectively.

"Wow... I don't know! I mean, I ....'trained' and all and only a minute ago I was really keen on driving this further, finally but... now it feels just...way too strange!"

"Okay, I'll never do anything that doesn't feel good for you. If you want me to stop, then I'll stop."

Bård freed himself from the hug and moaned annoyed. Frustrated he spun in circles for a moment before he rested his palms on the counter and hit his forehead on the surface. "Argh! It's unbelievable! At first I make such a fuss about getting my hands on you and then I chicken out like fifteen-year-old virgin!"

Vegard chuckled silently and grabbed his wrist to pull him close again. "Okay, we skip that for tonight! We should give that topic some more time, okay? Are you fine with that?"

"Fine! Uh, sorry, man!" Hurriedly Bård fled back into his embrace "...this feels way better! Saver!"

"Would you like to...sleep in my bed with me? Just cuddling and being close and such..?"

"There's nothing I would love to do more, really!" Bård sealed his lips with little pecks. "I'm so sorry, so sorry, so sorry..."

"You don't have to. Its okay!"

"Just you wouldn't think I didn't want you. Because I do. I'm just not quite ready for this..."

"We gonna have all the time you need. You're here and we're together and that's all I need..."

"Okay..."

"Okay!"

Those last two whispered words were all they needed to assure each other that they were fine. Bård still felt like an idiot but he was amazed by realizing that they would not have to discuss things to death. Everything was so much easier when you already new what the other one was thinking. While working, they often were so much in accordance with one another that they almost acted as if they were one person, he had noticed every once in a while with a mixture of amusement and satisfaction. Now it turned out it has been much more than them being highly professional. They simply knew each other so very well and it felt just amazing.

 

 

So Bård stayed and they were safe and comfortable together. He didn't leave the next day either. Actually he only went home to bring some fresh clothes and his toilet bag, so he wouldn't need to go home for a while. Calle made a mocking comment on that when he came over.

"I still need some help from time to time. It's much easier that way." Vegard said.

"Oh, come on. Stop pretending!" Bård laughed. "You wished I would be here to help you, you sluggard!"

Vegard looked at him, scared, with wide eyes.

"We just remembered how cool it is to hang out together!" Bård shrugged, playing it down. "It's as if we were teens again. Imagine that - I actually enjoy his company! Now that I almost had to live without it..."

Vegard's ears were burning. He could practically hear his heartbeat from where he was standing. Had it always been like that for him during half his life? Always on the edge of being exposed? How had he coped with that, all on his own?

Calle though didn't find anything suspicious about it. He stayed late night, while they were watching Monty Python movies, laughing their butts off.

 

Bård meanwhile couldn't be any happier. This being together made him having the best time of his life. He never had guessed himself being so clinging in a relationship but it rather amused him than that he found anything bad about it. During nights they were sharing Vegard's big bed and he could just lay there, enjoying his brother's scent or the salty taste of his skin where he was placing kisses on random body parts, or the attractive shape of his arm muscles that had grown bigger from using wheelchair and crutches. And he could feel his need to be closer to him growing every day, his thoughts already walking interesting paths again while they were laying side by side.   
After a little more than a week, when he was studying Vegard's features carefully where he was laying on his back, holding a monologue about a music editing program, he made a decision.

"Vegard, I want you to touch me!" he said just loud enough to catch his attention.

"Okay..." Vegard paused a little irritated. He turned to face him and after stroking his arm and shoulder irresolutely he ended up, cupping his cheek.

"No..." Bård took his hand and kissed his fingertips tenderly. "I mean here!"

Slowly he leaded him down his body and laid his hand on the bulge that was already growing in his briefs.

"Are you sure?" Vegard whispered, staring at him with big eyes.

"Oh yeah, very sure!" he replied just as silently and smiled.

"Do ...do you want me to turn out the light?"

Bård laughed amused. "Yeah, that might be a good idea..."

 

 

Hours later Bård was laying flat on his back and watched the images the street lights were painting on the ceiling. He could find no sleep. He concentrated on the warmth coming from his hip touching Vegard's behind who was fast asleep next to him and right then started to let out little cheeping noises through his nose. Bård chuckled silently. It has been so many years since they shared a room at night - he had always wondered why. And he had been - what? eight? - since they slept in the same bed. He had enjoyed the closeness of the previous week as much as the thought of what they had done just before. He closed his eyes to recall the last few hours' actions. He had felt a little clumsy at first but he was eager to learn and, seriously, how to please a man's body he knew from own experience. This male body being Vegard's had made no difference, surprisingly enough, because - he fucking loved this man!... or he loved fucking this ...whatever! If mother nature didn't want siblings to be lovers she shouldn't have made their chemistry match so perfectly! This was _right._ No one should try to tell him differently.

He reached over with a grin and poked his finger against Vegard's nose. To his regret the other reacted immediately on his touch.

"Hey..." he mumbled sleepily and turned around to him "Are you still awake? Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine Vegard. I just have a lot to think about. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Doesn't matter. How do you feel?" he asked, still concerned.

"Caution people, hold on your hats, Vegard wants to talk about feelings!" He earned a growl.  
"I don't know. I feel strange... ambivalent."

"I don't...I mean, I'm sorry!" Vegard reached out to cup his cheek and turn his face a little towards him. "If we did something you were not comfortable with...I mean...you must tell me if I..."

"No, idiot... not that kind of strange!" Bård grabbed his hand carefully, kissed it's palm and then rested both of their hands on his chest. "You did nothing wrong! I loved everything we did, it was..." His gaze followed the light's play on the ceiling.

"It was...?"

"Wait, I have to come up with one of those girly words! ...It was ....amazing?"

"That was exclusively girly!" Vegard giggled, his voice displaying his tension.

"Yeah, I know ...screw it! I mean, I felt a little clumsy and all but I can't remember I ever felt so perfect after having sex with someone..." Bård lowered himself on the mattress a bit and laid his head against his brother's shoulder. "It's not that surprising, isn't it?. The first time is always something special, I mean first times in general and even more when it is with someone you love."

Vegard cleared his throat. "Did you just tell me, I mean - that you love me?"

"Of course I love you, dumb-ass! You are my brother. I love you since the day I realised that you exist. It's just like this love has grown... wider now! You know, actually I love you so widely at the moment that my heart is aching! A little overstretched or something like that..."

"Awww, I love you widely too!" Vegard chuckled and pressed a kiss on his brother's head. His hand was trembling a bit on Bård's chest, so he squeezed it in response.

"And me saying I'm ambivalent about stuff - it's not about you and it's not about sex. It's just about the world and me!" Bård turned his head to search for those brown eyes in the scant light. "You don't have to worry about a thing, okay?" he said and stroke his finger along the other's jawline. "Just let me lay here next to you and sort out my thoughts."

"Okay. I guess I will take a nap, though, if you don't mind me burying my nose in your hair..." Vegard answered with a sigh. "As long as you're so close to me..." he added almost inaudibly.

"Do as you please, brother!" Bård exclaimed theatrically. He smiled quietly to himself. He wouldn't go anywhere. Why should he?

 

 

Eventually Bård was falling asleep and it was a peaceful, refreshing sleep, the kind of peace you gain when you finally made a decision that had been necessary to move on.

 

 

When he woke up he was alone in bed, not too surprising, as he saw the sunlight coming bright through the window. A glance on his phone told him that it was around ten , which was quite okay for his sleeping habits but of course Vegard must have gotten up a while ago.

Bård kicked off the duvet and made his way to the bathroom, naked as he was, getting a kick out of remembering why he had been sleeping like that. He stepped into the shower and let a stream of well tempered water raining on his head for several minutes. Whereas his mind had been all blank at first, he soon felt a slight but steadily rising nervousness torturing his stomach, remembering what decision he had taken. Vegard would not be too happy. He tried to distract himself, thinking of the previous night and Vegard's bare skin underneath his hands. It worked pretty well. So well, actually, that he spontaneously switched off the water and grabbed a towel before he would get too distracted to do what he intended to.

 

A temping smell greeted him when he left the bedroom. He found Vegard in the open kitchen, busy as a bee, preparing an extensive breakfast.

"You made breakfast?" Bård grinned widely, stopping at the door.

"Yup. Needed something to do. And I was hungry."

Bård walked over to him and bend over the counter to catch his lips for a brief, tender kiss.

"Morning."

"Morning." Vegard lifted the pan in his hand. "Some eggs?"

Nodding Bård shoved his butt on one of the bar stools and took the plate that was offered to him. Vegard seemed to be in a good mood - this was the first time they started their morning like that!

He picked up his fork, started nibbling on his eggs and watched his lover preparing smoothies.  
Fuck it, it would not become any easier, he should just start talking.

"How are you?" he asked with a loving smile.

Vegard smiled back, sucking some orange juice from his thumb. "Excellent. You?"

"Basically the same. I didn't find much sleep though..."

"Okay, how come?" Vegard's voice and face already became a little worried.

"Thinking. I was thinking about us being together and all and, well...huh! I don't think I can do that! I really don't think I can have it that way..."

Everything on Vegard fell downwards immediately. With a hard thud he put the glass he had been holding on the counter.

"Okay ... I just knew we should not have started this! We can...you can...if you'd feel better about it you..."

"No, not what you think..."

"I'm sure we can go back to being brothers if we try hard enough and..."

"Veg..."

"Maybe you can't imagine right now but I know that, if we give it enough time..."

Brilliant! What a stupid way to start had that been? Bård slipped off the stool, rushed around the counter, cupped Vegard's face with both of his hands and kissed him hard.

"Shut up!" he demanded when pulling back.

"You..."

"Shhh!" He let go of his head, keeping his hands raised for a moment as if to test that his order was followed.

"Let me explain!"

Bård huffed and returned to his seat. He felt better that way.

"Okay." Vegard murmured, propped on the desk in front of him, gaze downwards. "Explain!" He licked his lips nervously.

"Huh, now.... it's the opposite, kind of! First of all - I ..." He cleared his throat. " I love you and being with you feels right, okay?"

"Okay." Vegard nodded without looking up.

"Actually I had these thoughts from the very beginning, sort of, but it's now after we had sex and I know everything feels just the way it's supposed to be that I am sure..."

"Sure of what?"

"Sure of who I am. I am a thirty-four year old, divorced man in a gay relationship. Everything that comes with that I'm fine with - I fell in love with my best friend and closest working partner, I feel all stupidly giggly and romantic like a teenager and I obviously have a weakness for my brother's arse."

Vegard burst out in a giggle.

"Yeah, whatever." Bård said, unable himself to suppress a smile. "That's what I am. There's nothing wrong about it and I'm not spending my life hiding that. Everyone should know it."

"You wanna _tell_?"

"Yeah. Not gonna jump in horror every time someone opens a door for the rest of my life. Not gonna happen."

Vegard stared at him flabbergasted for a moment. "But you _do_ remember that we are brothers, yeah? We're not _allowed_ to be together!"

"Not true! That law you're referring to is made to prevent close relatives from having offspring. Its not valid for siblings of the same sex. No one can prohibit us being together....Don't look at me so sceptically. Google it if you don't trust me!"

Bård's mouth was twitching a little as he suggested that. Of course he had. It had been one of the first things he had done after the psychologist had told him about it, almost two months ago.

"Nah, you're fucking nuts! Let's say you're right with the law - we would be marked as freaks, we're going to be the laughing stock of whole Norway, our careers not worth a penny!"

"Come on, that's the worst of all scenarios! I don't think it is going to be so bad. But, okay - let's see it from your point of view: do _you_ really want to hide from everyone?"

"That's what I did half of my life, I know how to deal with that."

"But that was just you, hiding your private thoughts. Its different now... We actually are a thing now, you and me. Would you seriously lie actively for years to people you care about? Making our whole life one big lie?"

Bård reached over the desk to grab Vegard's hand and squeezed it gently. "Don't you think you finally deserve to be happy? Don't you want us to be happy?"

Vegard pulled his hand back and turned abruptly to scrub the pan he had used to prepare the eggs. Bård watched him patiently. Eventually he threw the sponge in the sink and went back to the counter.

"Okay, so maybe you're right. Maybe we can't hide it from everyone we see on a daily base."

Bard crossed his arms over his chest and cocked an eyebrow. Now they were making progress.

"Maybe it is not too bad even to have someone to support us. But those who know will act awkwardly around us. Like we're strange. Its nothing one can relate to - being in love with their sibling."

"Ah, bullshit! They won't! Its not as if we're doing any harm to anyone. It is what it is! You can't decide who you love. And if people are able to accept things like transgender they can easily accept us. And, seriously, those who can't are not worth being my friend!"

Bård could see on his face how Vegard's brain was working busily behind his forehead, trying to process all these new ideas.

"True dat..." he mumbled. Then he emptied his untouched breakfast into the litter, took out the bag and stomped out the door to throw it in the bin at the garden door.

 

When he returned he looked belligerently.

"What if I say no? What if I don't wanna do this? Is there no us then? It's you saying you can't live that way and I have to agree or I can't have you?"

Bård stood up and walked over to him, resting his hands on his brother's shoulders for assurance.

"There is no 'if - when'. Not now. I want you to think about it, I want you to be convinced that I'm right."

"Yeah, I already said you have a point there with keeping it a secret from everyone on a longer term."

"That's a beginning at least."

"You are still up to walking around with a label on your forehead? Presented to the world to judge us?"

"You've been all on your own for too long... you just look at that the wrong way!"

Bård shoved his hands in his pockets and took a step back to eye the man he loved.

"You're my man, Vegard. You're the one I love. That's the most amazing thing I can think of and I want the whole world to know!"

Vegard squeezed his eyes shut, hearing this, not able to return his gaze. Then he uttered out an annoyed moan and turned away to walk to the window where he stared out into the garden. Bård walked up behind him, wrapped his arms around his shoulders and rested his cheek against Vegard's ear.

"I'm sorry that I stress you out so much!" he whispered. "I just think it's important to talk about it..."

"It's okay!" Vegard bent down his head to press little kisses on his brother's arm. "I just... I need to think about it. Let me think about it!"

"I will."

And that's what he would. They were in no hurry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... let me know how bad I'm actually doing without any beta! Thanks!


	7. Chapter 7

Bård knew when Vegard said he needed time to think something through he was serious about it, so the topic of coming out was not mentioned between them for quite a while. It was two weeks later when Vegard gave him a ride home from the office that he eventually spoke up.

"So when you said we should appear in public as a couple, were you thinking of something particularly?" he asked as casually as possible while he stopped the car at a traffic light.

"Seriously, man?" Bård moved around excited in his seat. "We're gonna talk about coming out? That's so cool!"

Happily he grabbed Vegard by his chin and placed a big, wet kiss on his cheek.

"Yeah, just not right now..." Vegard mumbled defensively and eyed the driver in the car next to them suspiciously.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... relax! We're gonna prepare that carefully!"

"But how, exactly?"

"I thought about Entertainment Award, that's a big audience to tell them."

Just a week ago they got informed that the jury of Entertainment Award had decided to give a special award to Ylvis for being in the business for fifteen years at their early age as well as to honour Vegard's successful fight to return to work, so they would be able to continue their career for maybe another fifteen years. Calle had been asked to hold the laudatory for them. They were quite flattered to be honoured like that, although it showed once more that there always had to be something bigger than them - like a dramatic accident - to make people recognizing their capacity. 'It's true - you need to be dead to become immortal!' Vegard had joked about it...

"You want to tell them? Like going on stage and just announce?" Vegard made a sceptical face. "I don't think I want that."

"Nah, that's attention seeking and embarrassing! I think we should just act around each other like any other couple would, like we feel about it. For example, if you want to hold my hand on the red carpet you do and when people ask we don't lie. And answer in a way that would not leave a doubt."

"Did I ever wanted to hold hands with you?" Vegard asked with a mocking grimace.

"Jeez, that's not the point! You understand how I mean, don't you?"

"Yeah..." Vegard shrugged. "...We need to tell some people beforehand. We can't just like jump into everyone's faces. It affects them all."

"Of course we have to! It's only fair if they can prepare for the attention it will cause. So - whom do we need to tell?"

"Calle of course, we can't put him on stage in front of a million eyes without any preparation."

"Ooh, yeah that would be mean! Mamma and Pappa..."

Vegard made a face as if he had a bad gastritis.

"I never said it would be easy!" Bård chuckled. "A lot of very interesting conversations await us. My kids need to know. I hope they can understand!"

"I hope anyone can understand... Magnus? Jørn? Christoph? Concorde folks in general?"

Bård moaned silently. "Argh... I don't want to, to be honest."

"Why that?"

"Because.... I know that is important too - but it for sure will lead to a discussion about how it will affect our careers and what that will do to Concorde and some such. But... this is about our lives, I think everything else should be secondary! It's complicated enough to deal with our feelings only."

"Okay I get what you mean. But what if we lost Concorde for real? Isn't it only fair that they have a saying in something that would cost them their jobs and their money?"

"We would find other jobs, all of us."

"Like what? What are we gonna do for a living if no one wants to see our faces anymore? I mean us, actually...what are we gonna do?"

"Well... I guess you will have to feed the both of us with your airline company. My chances for being a supermodel are definitely over!" Bård patted Vegard's thigh with emphasis.

"Awww, like you're going to be my little wifey?" Vegard giggled, glancing at him with a mocking grin.

"Wuah...god, Vegard! That's just...nah! ...your little wifey! You just wished, you geek!" He was tempted to punch his arm but decided against it because, well, driving and all. "Do you want a serious answer? I don't know. I don't know yet. But I don't have to, we could do whatever. The world is full of possibilities we haven't even thought about. Thing is that I keep believing we don't have to."

"What if you're wrong? I think it's really selfish, not telling them. It's like we don't care about them. I don't want them to feel that way."

Bård's eyes were following an old woman and her poodle, crossing the street where they were about to take a turn. He sniffed. "We can write them a letter. Handing it out on Friday before we go home. They knew and we don't have to discuss."

"Hmm..." Vegard's tone didn't sound convinced.

"Maybe a letter isn't a bad idea over all! We owe it to our family to tell them face to face. But do you know how all the others will feel about it? Did you ever talk to Christoph about gay couples? Or Magnus? Or anyone? We should count in that some of them feel uncomfortable about it. Imagine the embarrassed silence in the room after telling all of them. I mean, how would you react if someone tells you something like that? We gonna write them a letter and tell them it was a decision we had to make on our own. That's cool. Sounds right."

Vegard was staring out on the street in front of him and Bård could tell he was moving this thought back and forth in his brain.

"Okay, I'll give you that." he finally said. His thumbs were hitting an uneven rhythm on the steering wheel. "So we're gonna do that, huh?"

"We're gonna do that - and we won't regret it, I promise! Not on a longer term." Bård clenched a fist like to cheer himself. "You and me, Vegard!"

Vegard didn't respond but the little smile that was playing his lips made Bård reach out to stroke his cheek tenderly .

"You and me..." he repeated.

 

 

"Would you please stop drumming!"

Vegard glared over to the nervous wrack that was his brother, who was sitting upside down on his chair, using the backrest like a pair of bongos.

"Can't."

" _You_ said, he was the easiest, we should start with him!"

"Why do you even listen to me in the first place? Did I ever say something smart enough to trust my judgement?"

Vegard sighed and crossed his arms over his chest where he was standing, leaned against the door frame.

"You give a lot about his opinion, don't you?"

"Yeah ...I mean... we can be quite sure he won't have a problem with us but ...if he has? I don't have too may friends anyway."

"Do you have regrets already?"

Bård shook his head, wordlessly and pointed out the hallway with his gaze. Too late for any doubts now.

"Hey guys!" Calle walked through the open door with a happy grin. "Exactly on time for any mysterious meetings you dragged me to on my free day!"

Vegard jumped up from his position and closed the door behind him. "Hei!" he said as casually as possible.

"Hey. Sit down, man!" Bård lifted his butt from the chair to greet Calle with a high five and pointed at the empty office chair on Vegard's side of the desk while the latter sat down on the edge of the conference table.

"So what's up, darlings? Any new plans?"

"Yeah, we kinda have new plans for Entertainment Award." Vegard started, making a vague gesture with his hands.

"Okay. Not gonna tell you what my laudatory speech will be like, if that's what you're after. Nice try boys!"

"No, that's not ...You can keep that. It's something we want you to know." Bård assured him. The next sentence stuck in his throat, he glanced over to Vegard.

"And that is...?"

Waiting for his answer Calle watched the brothers trying to communicate through frowns, gazes and eye-rolling.

"You start!" Bård hissed through his teeth.

"No! Why?"

"Guys, this is scary! What's happening here? Someone's going to die again?"

"Heavens, no! " Bård moaned. He hid his face in his hands, then raised his head jerkily and slammed his palms on the desk. "We're trying to tell you that we're together. I mean like lovers. That kind of together..."

Mouth slightly open Calle stared at him in surprise, tilting his head a little as if he tried to listen to an echo of what he just heard. Searching for confirmation, he looked over to Vegard who nodded, hands folded in his nape, trying to disappear between his arms.

"Ohh!" Calle slapped a hand into his face as if he had just woken up. "Oouhhh! That's what it was!"

"Was what?"

"Something was strange with you. Different, somehow but I couldn't figure out what it was! So you are... together, yeah?"

"Yeah. And you're the very first person in the whole wide world to know!" Bård spread his arms, trying to hide his insecurity behind a grin.

"Oh, I feel flattered!" Calle clenched a fist over his heart in a dramatic gesture. Easy to tell he was slightly overwhelmed by his new status.

"What do you think?"

"What do I think, yeah..." Calle stared on the desk, spinning in the office chair from side to side thoughtfully. "Isn't that gonna get you in trouble? Being brothers and all?"

"No." Bård shook his head very seriously. "As long as none of us is having a baby we've got nothing to fear."

"More what people think of it, is what bothers us." Vegard threw in.

Calle glanced over into his strained face and a little smile curved his lips.

"What I think?" He blew up his cheeks, waving his hands through the air, pointlessly while searching for words. " ... I'm happy for you, I think. Feels a little foreign but, yeah, if that's what makes you happy then I'm happy for you!"

"Thank you, man!" Bård said silently, while Vegard was showing a grin that almost split his face in half. Bård couldn't help but mirroring it when he looked at him. He felt like a dork. A happy, relieved dork.

"So now I'm doomed to keep your dirty little secret from the public for the rest of our life?" Calle asked, patting his own thighs.

"No, no, no!" Vegard hurried to say. "You don't have to keep anything! We're actually planning to go into public with it. That's why we start telling people, our friends. Starting with you."

"Ahh, that's why we were talking Entertainment Award! You guys wanna come out on national television? That's brave!" Called face displayed a mix of admiration and scepticism.

"Yeah, don't worry. We don't wanna make a show out of it. No one's gonna tell. We just thought it might be a good occasion to appear as a couple. Nothing more."

"But you should know, we thought" Vegard added.

"I see, I see..."

Awkward silence spread across the room.

"Ahh, come on!" Calle jumped up from his seat eventually. "Can I have a gay hug?"

He spread his arms and looked from one brother to the other challengingly. Both hurried to get up and follow his invitation.

They stood for a minute, wrapped in a firm embrace, casually patting shoulders and rubbing backs.  
"Thank you." Bård repeated silently before they split.

"Nothing to thank for!" Calle assured him. "Hey, one thing. - I don't have to watch you two weaving braids into the others hair now or something like that, right!"

"Gwad, no!" Bård moaned annoyed and threw a pencil at him, he grabbed from he desk.

"You can totally get him with these kind of jokes!" Vegard giggled. "That's going to be fun!"

"I've been way to nice, lately!" Bård growled. "You will regret this!"

"I see... Nothing changed really!" Calle's grin was quite satisfied as he was clapping his hands. "You guys wanna go out for lunch? I need to learn how this could have happen!"

"Sure. Vegard pays!"

Grabbing his phone and stuffing it into his pocket Bård rushed out the door. He didn't have to see the cheerful glances his two best friends were exchanging to know that this little corner of his world was just fine.

 

 

Bård closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose. He just loved how the scent lingering in the air was promising a dish that was like a childhood memory craved in stone. Something so constant and precious that it was like an anchor in his life that was probably about to change so drastically.

"You didn't change the recipe, did you?" Vegard asked suspiciously. "The sauce is darker then it used to be!"

Bård opened his eyes again and grinned silently. Someone was feeling the same!

"Don't be absurd, Vegard!" Hege was placing the last two bowls on the table and sat down. "I was just running out of cream! It won't change too much really!"

Bård stretched out his legs and caught one of his brother's feet with his own. Vegard looked up from where he sat opposite of him and sent him a tiny smile before he grabbed the potatoes.

They had learned from their mistakes. They were prepared this time, had chosen terms, decided who would start speaking. It was going to be much more smoothly this time, unless something really unexpected would happen.

"So you two maybe could reveal now what this atypical self-invitation is about?" Hannes said casually.

_Something like that._

"Don't know what you mean?" Vegard said quickly. "Can't we just come to see our parents if we feel like that?"

"Let it go!" Bård interrupted him. "I'm gonna improvise." He had been told over and over again that he was good at improvising. Well, it didn't even had to rhyme this time.

"So, yeah, we came to let you know about things that will happen. There's going to be a change, actually."

"Oh, you gonna pause with Ylvis?" Hege asked a little concerned.

"What? No!"

"It's something more personal." Vegard explained.

"Yeah, something changed... between us. For me, more precisely. Something changed for me after the accident. About Vegard. It's, well... I fell in love with him." Bård was surprised how firm and clear the sentence came out of his mouth. "We do... we love each other...that is." he ended a bit weaker.

"Oh...oh, now it hit you too, obviously." Hege said silently while Hannes cleared his throat. "I'm not sure that I ever expected that..."

With a heavy frown Bård lifted his head to look at her. "So you _knew_?'

Instinctively he glanced over to Vegard who was as pale as the wall behind him.

"Excuse me..." he murmured, pushed his chair back and left the room without looking at anyone.

Hege stretched out her hand to stop him but he ignored the gesture.

"Won't you go and look after him?" Hannes asked his remaining son, looking irresolutely back and forth between him and the open door.

"He'll be right back." Bård said, much more conviction in his voice than he felt internally.

Carefully he chewed on his meat while they all were waiting for that to happen. After two or three minutes Vegard actually came back in and sat down in his chair again, red stains decorating the white of his face.

"How?" he asked with a deep growl, concentrating on his plate.

"Well, darling, it became pretty obvious after we once made a guess."

Vegard snorted a laughter.

"We were concerned about you. You were acting pretty strange for a while when you were about nineteen or so." Hannes explained. "We had a hard time figuring out what it might be and it was almost impossible to talk to you about it. Never knew a teenager nearly as stubborn as you! Then one day Mamma said - do you think he might have a crush on Bård? And we were like - no, that can't be it! But everything else just made sense after this conclusion. It was like puzzle pieces suddenly building a picture."

"We were hoping you would simply get over it one day." Hege said.

"I'm nothing one has to get over with!" Bård hissed furiously.

"Baby, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like..."

"No, its okay. I didn't want to...!" Bård squeezed her hand that she had stretched out to him apologetically. "It's just..." He pointed with his head over to the other side of the table.

He almost felt like crying, looking at Vegard. Nothing he would like to do more than walk over to him and hold him tight, trying to take this feeling of being a freak away from him. It just wasn't the right time to do so.

But it seemed Vegard was gaining back some more self assurance. He straightened up a little and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, so obviously we both seem to have the same problem. What do you think it is? Fail of nature? Something you did wrong with our education?" His voice was sarcastic and a tad bitter although he didn't dare to address his question directly to either one of their parents.

"Oh god, no!" Hege sighed and put her hands on her mouth, scared. "You're our precious boys! You are so gorgeous and outstanding and adorable and we love both of you so very much - how could we not understand or be uncomfortable with that you feel just the same for each other?"

Hannes nodded slowly. "No one failed here. Not at all. You can't control who do you fall in love with. And ...at least you're not alone with it anymore. That's good, isn't it?"

"Okay..." Vegard murmured, nibbling on some loose skin around this thumb nail.

"We were hoping it went away eventually because it seemed so hopeless for you! Of course we thought your affection would always be unrequited, that your friends would mock you if they ever noticed. When you have children...Bård can relate to that, I think..." Hege reached over to stroke Bård's arm briefly. "...you always want them to be happy, to live their life as carefree as possible. Not to have a complicated mess like that!"

"That's actually still how it is." Hannes added. "It's a good thing that you have each other now and it definitely will make things easier for you, Vegard but it worries me how your life is going to be from now on. You're in the focus of the public, you gonna have to lie, you gonna have to hide. How do you plan to live, if I may ask? It's going to be a constant stress, not only for the two of you!"

"Yeah...yeah, that's why we came here, sort of." Bård leaned back in his chair and scratched his scalp.

"We want to come out." Vegard said straight forward in a sober tone, folding his hands on the table.

"No! No you can't!" Hege almost cried out and pushed her chair back.

"Mamma, please...!"

Bård reached out for her but she had stood up and so he followed her.

"No, seriously, boys - you can't do that! Imagine how the press will slice you into little pieces, people will mock you - those of them who don't make you feel like you were disgusting! Did you ever think about your kids, Bård? What the girls would have to endure at school?"

"That's completely over the top, Mamma! Have a little trust in people! It's 2016, no one will throw eggs at us!"

Everyone had gotten up meanwhile.

"First of all - its not illegal, if that's what you fear." Vegard threw in.

"Yeah, we know that. ...You don't have a son, carrying such a secret for many years without doing your research!" Hannes explained when he saw Bård's questioning face.

"Okay then - sure the press will have their feast with us... It's their job after all to make the most of a scandal out of everything. But it will become boring sooner or later." Obviously Vegard was doing way better in dealing the presence than his past.

"Boys ... I understand why this feels so important to you..." Hannes laid his arm around his wife who had fled to his side for support. "...but Bård, how long is it you two are together now? Two months? Less? That's nothing! How can you know your feelings will stay like this, that it will last over the first wave of excitement? Don't you think you should wait...let's say half a year before you decide something?"

"Oh no! Don't even try to convince me I didn't know what I'm doing!" Bård hastily stepped over to his brother and laid his hand on his back possessively. "I know him my whole life and I'm fucking sure how I feel about him! I'm not seventeen, god damn it!"

"But Bård, Pappa has..."

"No!"

"Hey, folks - that's how you raised us, remember?" Vegard jumped in, his voice calming, his hands gesturing to take it slow. "Always do what feels right for you to do, even if it might be the hard way you choose! We want to do that! ...really!"

Bård looked down to him with affection, biting his lips to suppress the wide grin that the pride he felt was trying to force on his face. He bent down a little and pressed a loving kiss on his brother's lips. Vegard kissed him back, gently and clinched his fingers into the fabric in the back of his shirt.

"Oh god, boys! We never were able to have a saying when you two decided to do something!" Hege sighed.

Bård looked up and caught the expression on his father's face, watching his sons kiss. He knew he would never say a word about it, but still... Well, he and the rest of the world should get used to it; they had no choice anyway.

 

Hege invited them to stay overnight, which they gladly accepted. They spent the evening discussing, yeah actually _discussing_ the situation. Hannes and Hege had stopped trying to talk them out of it, what they wanted to do was to understand and eventually they tried their best to support. That was actually more than many gay children could ask for, even in 2016, both of them knew.

 

Eventually, around midnight, the brothers went up to Bård's old bedroom that was now turned into a guest room. Thankfully the room was equipped with both of their old single beds standing separately, meeting with their head ends in a corner. Bård would have felt major uncomfortably having sex with Vegard wall to wall with their parents and they really were far from the point where sharing a bed was no temptation to get physically. When he told him, Vegard chuckled understandingly and said he felt the same.

Bård sad down on his bed and took off his socks. He couldn't get over Hannes face when he watched them kissing. Like his head knew what was right to think but his heart was still cringing. He knew he shouldn't feel hurt, that homophobia was something that was rooted deep in their culture...he himself had had to fight it many years of his life - but still he did.

Throwing his jeans into a corner he sighed and and slipped under the duvet.

 

"Can I ask you something and you promise you won't get mad?" Vegard asked after a minute.

"Tell me."

"What Pappa said earlier - I am wondering that too every once in a while... How can you know that what you feel for me is more than a crush? Aren't you scared that it turns out you miss being with women? Or that it gets boring being with me after a few months?"

Bård moaned and covered his face with his forearms.

"Don't get mad! You promised!"

"No, not mad!" He rubbed his face and considered his chances to escape the question. Whatever, sometimes things got better when you spoke them out aloud.

"I'm gonna tell you a secret, yeah?"

"Okay..."

"I _am_ scared! All the time! I'm so scared I could piss my pants constantly. The only time I'm not so scared is when I look at you. Then I think we could actually make it!"

"Bård..."

"No. The thing is, we have no other chance than to make it. From the moment I started grilling you after my hypnosis we never had a chance on turning back really. I was not aware back then but that doesn't change the fact... What if we can't keep it up? What if we start fighting because it becomes too much? Do we try to pretend we were only brothers again? Do we stop working together and lose that as well? Left with nothing? What if one of us breaks the other one's heart? How can we avoid seeing each other so we get the chance to heal? We are family! No...there's only one direction from here on - head over heels into it! I'm gonna push this! I will do absolutely everything that is necessary to make this thing work! We don't have a choice really..."

"But we _do_ have a chance...don't you think?"

Bård tilted his head backwards to look at his brother. "Of course we have!" he whispered. "We have any chance there is. We actually will be amazing... I just know it!" He turned to his side. "Can I have your hand?" he asked silently after a minute.

Wordlessly Vegard shifted and stretched out his arm until their hands met and their fingers closed around the other's. Vegard's thumb gently stroked the soft skin at the back of Bård's hand.

"Jesus, now come over here, finally!" he growled after a few moments. "We won't do anything, just sleeping!"

"Holy shit, I thought you'd never say that!" Bård cursed and slipped under the warmed up duvet Vegard was holding up for him.

It would become uncomfortably tight during the night but at this very moment it could cure absolutely everything and that was what this was all about, right?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So -caution! This chapter is about nothing but Bård's kids and (ex-) wife! But, hey - it's essential for the story and I changed the names anyway so chill your nerves, those of you who have some! :P Or when you still don't like it just skip the chapter...you can as well go without it. :)

"Eww, really Pappa, that's disgusting!" With a kind of scared face Nina moved her bottom over the carpet, out of his reach, although he didn't even make a single move in her direction. Stine, cowering on the sofa above her made a frown that could have expressed her opinion on a bin full of rotten fish.

"You mean like your boyfriend? Honestly?"

"Yeah." Bård sighed. How else could he name it?

"You can't be serious about that! God, you're so stupid!" Stine crossed her arms furiously and throw herself back into the cautions.

"Watch your language!" Mara mumbled but it was obvious that it has been out of a reflex, actually she was trying herself to process the new information.

Jan turned around where he was sitting on Bård's right thigh and looked at him in confusion. "Pappa, I think you got that wrong! Vegard can't be your boyfriend, because he's a man, you know?"

Nina giggled and tried to give her sister a high five but she ignored her.

"Oh, that's complicated, buddy!" Bård started, looking up to Mara for support but she didn't seem to be willing to help him. Would have been too much to ask for, he had to admit.

"See, most people you know live in a family, like a father and a mother and they have children and all. But there's no rule that you have to fall in love with a woman only just because you are a man. Everybody can fall in love with everyone, if it happens. For example you know... this boy with the blond curls..."

Labouredly Bård tried to remember the name of the kid in Jan's class who had a mother in a gay relationship. Obviously it took him too long.

"Mamma, can I watch my TV program?" Jan interrupted him, shifting to the side his mother sat at.

Bård was not sure, if he should be relieved or sad. Of course he was too young to understand.

"Sure, sweetie, just go!" Mara answered. "I'll explain him, when I'm gonna get him to bed tonight." she added in Bård's direction when the boy sprang up and ran off the room.

"Ohh, can I go too, please?" Nina asked with some dramatic desperation in her voice.

"No, of course not!" Bård felt that he was getting a little angry then and tried to smooth his tone. "Sorry girls, I know this is weird..."

"Understatement of the year!" Stine mumbled.

"...but I really want to make you understand what happened there."

"Do I have to? I don't want to think about this, it's just...blah!"

"It's not, you know..." Stine threw in "...its not that I didn't understand what you explained before... that he almost died and all. I mean I would probably love Nina somewhat more as well when I thought she could have been dead..." Nina threw a bewildered glance at her. " ...but that doesn't mean you need to _fuck_ him!"

"Aaaah! Lalalalala...!" Nina sang out and pressed her hands on her ears to make sure she couldn't hear anything no more. She sprang up and ran out of the room.

Bård's jaw dropped when he looked at his oldest daughter. "When the hell has your vocabulary increased like that?"

He could hear Mara suppress a strained giggle behind his back. He leaned into the base of the sofa behind him and closed his eyes for a moment. Shit, he should have told them one by one! Massive fail!

"So since you're so familiar with these kind of things you should know that being together for adults always goes along with having sex. That's not the point though. You never cared about your mother and me having sex either, nevertheless here we have the three of you, which means it must have happened."

"Yeah, whatever, sorry. Didn't mean to say that. But ... why did you have to tell us? You can't tell people anyway, don't you get arrested or something?"

"No. We would if one of us were a woman...but then it wouldn't upset you so much, am I right?"

"No! Sure it would! It's not because it's... _gay_ \- because that's what it is!" She shivered and shook her head like to shoo an image she had not asked for. "...it's because this whole thing is so fucking freaky! Really, no one can ever learn about it!"

Bård closed his eyes and deeply breathed in through his nose to calm his heartbeat. The next hurdle to take.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, but I think they will learn about it! Vegard and I...we decided to live openly as a couple."

"Uh...that's so typical!" Mara hissed but he couldn't bother to turn to her because Stine had furiously stomped her feet on the floor.

"No, you won't! You won't do that! I swear to god if you do that I'm gonna change my name into Mamma's maiden name and never talk to you again!"

Bård only raised his brows on her outburst and shook his head. So she sprang up, threw a last "God, I hate you so much!" into his face and disappeared.

"Congrats! You made your whole family run away!" Mara patted his shoulder and stood up as well. "Now what? She doesn't actually hate you, don't worry! Don't you think you should talk to her once more?"

"Yeah, thanks for the hint! Would be nice if you let me think about it for a minute, will you?"

"Whatever... I'm going to look after Jan!" Mara growled.

That was just brilliant! Now they were back to fighting again. So much fighting... everyone was upset or confused or desperate or all of the above. Was this worth all the shit it caused?

But then Bård remembered what the alternate option was and his doubts passed away. How could he expect it to be easy? Did anyone ever do something like that? If he found the time he probably should search the internet for a potential other couple anywhere in the world. They could form a fucking support group or something!

Bård sighed and awkwardly stood up from the carpet.

Stine's room was upstairs at the end of the hallway so he had a few more moments to gather himself before he would have got there.

The door was not closed completely so he pushed it open and found her sitting at her desk, staring at the black monitor of her switched-off computer.

Silently Bård stepped in and sat down on the foot end of her bed so he could see her face.

"Leave me alone!" Stine muttered without looking at him.

"I'm sorry that I make things so hard for you. I wouldn't if I only knew how..."

"You have no idea how it is...!" She bit her lips and drilled her fingers into the flesh of her biceps.

"How is what?"

"Being your daughter!"  
  
"Am I such a fail as a father?"

"Don't know...no, probably not. I think you're quite cool as a father. Those times when you are around"

Bård smiled quietly to himself. That was at least something.

"My friends think you're pretty cool too, those who know you in person...I bet they will stop now!" She made a frown. "But then... there are these boys in my class and they always tease me with being the _Ylvis-bitch._ Every time you do something stupid on television they come to me the next day and give me shit about what you did. And now don't you say they're just jealous!" she snapped when Bård opened his mouth for a reply. "Mamma always says that and it's just bullshit! They do it because they can and because it's fun to them..." She snorted. "They constantly say you were gay anyway because you're so slim and have no real beard and all - can you imagine how they will be now?"

"Oh, babygirl..." Bård sighed and rubbed his face. He had had no idea that she had to fight these things.

"Can't I...?" Stine turned towards him for the first time, glaring furiously. "Can't I just have a normal father like everyone else? Someone who has a normal job and all, so I don't have to hide who I am if I don't want the others to laugh at me?"

Something about this statement triggered Bård's mind and suddenly he knew what to tell her.

"No, Stine - now listen to me carefully, okay? This is not the way! If others are bulling you it's not your job to turn invisible to take their attention off of you. It's them who have to stop their teasing and if you can't make them, then we have to tell the teachers and they need to face the consequences of their actions. If I was a normal father they found other reasons to make fun of you, don't you think?"

"Oh, you mean like that I am so tiny and still look like I'm nine? They do that, too, don't you worry!"

"What I mean! It's just not _right_! It's them who do the wrong, they have to change, not you... "  
He paused and considered his words for a moment.

"See, I want my kids to grow up in a world where everyone can be as they are, where no one has to hide even when they are different than the average, because there's no wrong in being different. Of course I can't make the whole world turn into that utopia but I can do my part in it. So if they will say that I am gay, then what's the point? Because that's what I am when I love a man and I'm not ashamed of it and you shouldn't either. No one should be ashamed of who they love. I know it's hard for you and I don't make it any easier, telling you that those boys are idiots. But if they don't shut up we have to make them because that's the way."

"You can easily say we make them shut up. You're never around to help me anyway!"

Bård squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed. He knew she was right.

"I know and I'm so sorry about it! But I can be if you want me to. We talked way too little the last months. Just say the word and I'll be there to support you when ever you need me. Promised."

"I don't know..." Stine chewed her bottom lip and stared at her hands in her lap.

After a moment of silence Bård stood up and pressed a kiss on her hair. "Think about, okay? All of what I said."

She sniffed as an answer.

"Love you, babygirl!"

"Yeah, yeah, love you too..." she murmured grumpily.

Bård went out to leave her alone.

 

Back downstairs he found Mara in the half-dark kitchen, having a glass of wine.

"Did you get to talk to her?"

She sat on the desk, next to the sink, her head tiredly leaned against the cupboard.

"Yeah."

"And?"

"Did you know that she is bullied in school?"

"Of course I know. I'm her mother and she comes to me when she's got problems. That's how it should be..."

"Then why for fuck's sake did you never...? No, sorry - forget about that! Not now..."

Bård exhaled audibly and sat down on the edge of the kitchen table.

"So what do you think? You must have an opinion on that too, I guess."

"Well, " she took a sip from her wine. "What can I say? It is how it always has been - you get a new idea and you go for it no matter what. Not looking left or right what it might cause to others or if anyone needs you!"

Alright, that sounded familiar. That he caused more difficulties than he helped solving any was obviously part of his personality!

"Okay, I know ...that's why we got divorced if I remember right. But didn't I improve my behaviour during the last year? Being responsible and always on time and paying attention and what else? You can't complain really, can you?"

"Yeah ...maybe not."

"And this is not something like a spontaneous idea. The last time that I was so serious about something was when I decided to become a father at age nineteen..."

"Hmm." She shrugged, avoiding his gaze.

"What I really wanted to know, actually was - what do you think about me and Vegard?"

Bård lowered his voice and patiently waited for her answer. He was so tired of fighting, he had rather come to...what? Getting approbation? Approval? He needed his family to accept what they were!

Mara emptied her glass and poured another one before she answered. "Its strange..."

"Yeah, sure it is. I'm sorry..."

"No, I mean how I feel is strange! Like, I left you and it was the right decision and I really don't want you back. But I always thought... I always feared when one day you'd come to present us a new woman in your life I probably would get jealous anyway. That she would take something that was rightfully mine for half of my life, you know?"

She paused and put the glass on the desk before she ran both of her hands through her long blond hair, twisting the length into some loose kind of braid.

"And now that it turns out to be Vegard - that's okay somehow, I think. Like you belong together anyway...he's always been part of your life, nothing... _changes_ really. And ...also - he's a man. I don't have to ponder if he's better, if he gives you things in bed I never could because - yeah, obviously!"

"You don't think it's weird then? Don't know - pervert or something?"

"It's not like it's so unbelievably surprising as you may assume, you know? He has always come first for you, all of your life! I always could queue if I wanted you to do something for me!"

Bård thought about that for a moment. Was it actually like they were meant to be together from the very beginning, just he didn't realise? However, that was a thought he could follow when he was old and had too much time on his hands. Or maybe next week, after they had come out and no one would want them anymore!

"Bård, don't be upset but could you leave now? I have to get Jan ready for bed and I need the kids to have some peace. Just come back in a few days and then we'll see how they took it, okay?"

 

So Bård said his goodbyes and left the house to get to his car.

The air outside was comfortably warm and the sun was about to disappear behind the neighbouring houses. Having the weather being beautiful like that was somewhat comforting when everything else seemed so bloody complicated and exhausting though they hadn't even started yet.

He sat down on the hood of his car and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to think nothing for a change. As if that had been so easy!

With a sigh he pulled out his phone and dialled the number 1 of his speed dial.

_"Hey."_

A small smile lit up on Bård's face when he heard the connection had been build.

"Hey..."

 _"You're fine?"_ Vegard asked when he didn't hear anything further.

"Do you think we're selfish?"

_"Is that what they are saying?"_

"Basically, yeah. Like I'm...we .. never care about anything else but each other. Since ever, only now its getting worse... never think of anyone else, never care to have time for anyone...."

_"Hmm."_

"What?"

_"Sounds just like the same stuff you get to hear for years."_

"I know... To be honest - half of it are my words!"

_"So it's about you having a bad conscience then."_

"Yeah, probably." Bård sighed heavily. "They were so upset..."

_"You know what? I love you. I don't give a fuck if we're selfish! They'll get over it."_

A desperate little chuckle crawled up Bård's throat. He shook his head and pinched the brick of his nose.

"You're really getting better with that encouraging stuff, you know?"

_"I better should, don't you think?"_

"That was the first time ever you told me that you love me so clearly."

_"Yeah I know. Thanks for noticing."_

A short moment of awkward silence.

_"Come home, baby brother!"_

"Hmm, I will. See you in twenty!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this is how I let it end because I'm a positive person and stupidly romantic and I believe in mankind...something like that. And because from my rl experiences I would tell, if this happened to be reality it went pretty much like that. (...see all of the above!)

He never thought but the next five days became a serious torture for both of them. Bård tried to distract himself by writing on the open letter they planned to give to their friends and staff at Concorde...which was kind of the same. They always had been very close and matey with everyone they worked with, so Bård considered several times to just walk out of his office, grab the next best person running around and tell them in person. Only the thought of having that awkward, stressful conversation another six or seven times made him stick to his chair. Writing down their situation and the decision it leaded to was a much more accurate way to tell them. If he ever found the right words to do so, that was. Or maybe Vegard found them. Which was rather unlikely.

It literally took them until nine o'clock on Friday that they both were on a level of being satisfied with the letter on which they were willing to send it out.

They loaded the letter up to their office internal cloud and linked it to a message they sent to everyone's phone. No one should have missed it the next day for random reasons like they didn't check their emails regularly.

 

Waiting for response was way worse than they had ever imagined. Fuck this stupid letter idea. Really.

 

Bård was woken up at one in the morning by an incoming message, letting his phone vibrate on the nightstand. Jørn, reacting on the letter.

JØRN  
_Been sitting here for 2hrs now, trying to figure out what to think about that. I really wished you had talked to me beforehand, we could have worked on proper solutions to deal with the situation. Teamwork, you know. But I guess, I'm kinda not in your team here. Get this._  
_Don't know what else to say..._  
_Your decision, guys!_

[humming]

JØRN  
_I want you to buy me a new car for dealing the press for you!_

 

Bård laughed silently. His hands were trembling from the tension he felt.

 

BÅRD  
_If we still can afford it..._

 

Vegard had propped up on his elbow and peaked over Bård's shoulder, sleepily.

"Tell him he can have a pair of roller blades!"

 

BÅRD  
_... Vegard says we can give you a scooter. Has some positive experiences with those!_

 

Vegard smacked the back of his head with not too much force.

 

JØRN  
_Haha..._

 

BÅRD  
_Forever thankful for your support! Don't know where we would be without you!_

 

JØRN  
_My purpose in life! See you in the audience tomorrow!_

 

"Insane!"

Vegard pressed his lips against his shoulder, his breath leaving a hot spot on his skin.

"Fuck, my heart is racing!"

"Telling me!" Bård mumbled, closing the chat.

Then he frowned and whistled through his teeth. Obviously he had missed three more messages. He shifted a little to let Vegard read.

 

CHRISTOPH  
_I'm still not sure if you two are cracking a joke. If so, let me tell you its pretty tasteless..._

BÅRD  
_It's not..._

 

"Don't!" Vegard stopped him, "He'll figure out..."

Bård agreed, so he delete these two words.

 

MAGNUS  
_Honestly guys, that's the strangest situation I've ever been in! Don't wanna walk in your shoes ... I think I'm gonna lean back and just watch what will happen. Good luck! A says good luck too!_

EMILY  
_Oh my god, boys! I'm not sure - is that even legal? I never heard of something like that. But I guess I can rely on you that you know what you're doing. Wish you all the luck in the world! I will be glued to the screen tomorrow!_

 

"Well... No one hates us so far!" Bård switched off the phone and threw it back on the nightstand.

"These are our friends. I was not expecting they actually hate us! ... I'm kinda worried about those two who didn't answer. Whatever that means..." Vegard huffed and flipped on his back. "Scared?" he asked trying to analyze the look on his brother's face.

"Nah, not really. I'm high on adrenaline though! I bet can't sleep now for the rest of the night and tomorrow I will look like a zombie and everyone thinks we just drank too much!"

"They will think that anyway!" Vegard chuckled with some self-irony.

He grabbed one of Bård's hands, laying on his chest. "I can help you empty your mind if that's something you fancy." he said, biting down on the knuckle of his index.

Bård cocked an eyebrow and grinned.

"Well, you had to be really, really... _really_ good to be able to empty my mind right now!"

"I could if you give it a chance." Holding his entire finger in a firm grip now, Vegard started nibbling it's tip.

Bård pulled his hand back forcefully. "Don't be so eager, man! It's not doing the trick if you're extolling yourself so hard!"

"God, I swear you're such a brat!" Vegard hissed and jumped on him, pressing his shoulders into the mattress.

"But you love me!" Bård grinned up to him.

"You bet I do!"

With an equal wide grin Vegard lowered himself and pressed his face into the crotch of his neck, sucking hard on the skin.

"No! Don't! No way you're giving me a love bite right now!" Bård hissed and bucked his hips to get rid of him.

Vegard only loosened his lips to laugh mockingly. "Make up, darling! Make up!"

He had no trouble keeping his brother down, the little wrestling fight they're performing clearly going his way until Bård managed to free one hand to tickle him.

They ended up as they had started - side by side on their backs but panting heavily and with a wide smile on their faces. Distraction was not going to be the problem of the night.

 

 

 

Saturday.  
Tension. Strained nerves.  
Fighting over shower clean- ups.  
Lots of hair struggles.  
Red carpet.  
Flashing lights.  
So many familiar faces.  
Magnus trying to be supportive and as casual as possible but ending up extremely awkward.

Then the interview lounges inside the building with a bunch of colleagues waiting in line for their turn. And Vegard aiming for a short time-out before the real deal.

"I think I'm gonna visit a loo before I can face this. Just wait here, okay?"

"Coming with you." Bård murmured.

He was not quite used to having nerves and right then he felt like the worst kind of stage fright. Not good.

 

Choosing the toilets downstairs had been a clever decision as they were practically alone there. When Bård left the stall there was only Vegard standing in front of the sinks, watching himself in the wall-sized mirror, fumbling on his sleeves here and there.

Bård stepped next to him to wash his hands.

"Absurd." Vegard stated, his eyes glued to his own image in the mirror. "I never thought I'd end up one day where I am now. Doing what I'm about to do...."

"I know..." Bård waggled the water off his hands and grabbed some paper towels. "That crossed my mind some times. You went full speedo from the deep-dark-secret guy to agreeing into an openly displayed relationship. Never had any doubts, that this is your way? I mean... your very last chance to turn it down!"

He threw the towels into the bin and placed himself next to Vegard, their eyes meeting in the mirror.

Vegard laughed a deep, cackling laughter. "I'm unpredictable, huh?"

Then he got serious again.

"It's you." he said calmly, studying his own features. "I subdivide my live into three parts - before you, without you and now with you. I never thought there was something worth fighting for. You make me a different person."

God, this was fucking heavy stuff right before one of the most important events of their lives! Vegard laying his heart open seemed to be part of this new personality of his.

"You ... ,I...."

Bård's gaze ran around the reversed version of the bathroom restlessly.

"It's okay. It was just because you asked."

Bård huffed. "Heavy."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry"

"We look stunning, don't we?" Bård asked after a moment of silently admiring their reflection.

"You think? Not so bad, huh? Not sure that is going to help any..."

"Sure it does. When you're meant to be ripped apart you at least should look smashing!"

With a mischievous grin Vegard plunked out his favourite curl which he had spent a lot of time on to fix inside his hairdo, letting it bounce by pulling on it.

"Let's face the monster!" he chuckled.

 

They appeared the way people expected them to, did the interviews they had to absolve with their usual sarcastic humour, proving everyone that they were back in the saddle. No possible way to act like in love. Even if they were an average, straight couple Bård wouldn't do anything. Work was work, wasn't it? But, No panic! - as the hitch-hiker's guide had tought him!

 

The show started, the show went on and still Bård had no positive feeling how to start, really. Absolutely nothing felt natural in any way. Then, when Calle went on stage to held the laudatory for their special award he reached over to grab Vegard's hand, knowing the cameras were on them to catch their reaction. His brother's fingers were sweaty of nervousness but he sent Bård a grateful glance and exhaled heavily.

"I know you're not into hand-holding but maybe I am." Bård mumbled, trying to move his lips only a minimum. "We need to give it a go now. You're ready?"

"Um-hm." Vegard said, his tone giving away his nervousness.

So, then.

 

When the applause branded up they walked down to Calle who hugged them both before handing them out their sculptures. Of course it was Vegard's turn to held a little speech about how much they appreciated, how thankful he was to be alive and how much he was looking forward to work again. Bård followed his words with a little tear in his eye, caused by the weight still laying on his chest when the memories came up again. Well, emotional was good.

He just gave a brief "Thanks to all of you!" before he hugged him tightly.

"Love you!" he whispered into his ear.

God, it felt like jumping off a cliff! 'See you on the other side.' he almost added. Taking a deep breath, he cupped Vegard's face and pressed a deep, loving kiss on his lips.

The audience reacted with laughter and cheering. He could have guessed. Most people thought he was joking, after all they were known for being a little creepy with their humour.

Arm in arm with Calle they stood for a few moments, enjoying their ovations a while longer. Maybe it was the last time they were appreciated like that. Bård simply refused to believe that.

 

 

When the show had ended and they tried to leave the venue, they of course got stopped by curious people with microphones. The one being the most adamant, too adamant to ignore him, a guy representing an internet news portal, asked Bård, shoving his microphone directly into his face : "What was it with your kiss on stage? That was more than brotherly, wasn't it?" He grinned widely, obviously he meant to keep the joke going.

Bård was not quite sure why he even felt like fleeing from the press. There was a statement to be made, wasn't it? They couldn't do that half-heartedly.

"Yeah, it actually was. Meant to be like that. We're a couple." he answered, trying to keep all kind of ambiguous expressions out of his face, so the man would take him seriously without any longer explanation. Honestly, every facial expression could be misinterpreted. Screw that.

"That's a joke, isn't it?" the reporter asked irritated.

Both Ylvisåkers shook their heads in unison.

"But... you can't be, you're brothers!" His confusion showed up immensely on his face.

"See, just because you can't imagine something, it doesn't have to mean necessarily that it can't be true!" Bård replied with a sarcastic grin. "It's like with aliens - just because you don't believe in them they could be living among us for years anyway!"

Vegard stopped him by laying his hand on his arm. "Hey. You promised not to get angry." he said calmly.

Bård looked at him where he stood with his shoulders straightened and that pride in his eyes that Bård had waited to find there for quite a while. They had all the right in the world to be who they are, his sight reminded him.

"I'm not angry!" he said with a wink.

"Close your mouth, you look weird, man!" With a clap on the shoulder they left the reporter on his own.

Only a few meters ahead they were confronted with a colleague who's job of the night was it to do the pre-and after-show talks for TV2. They knew each other, almost called to be friends. She addressed them silently while her camera man was deliberately filming the people following after.

"Did I get that right? Is it okay if I ask you a few questions about it?"

"Yeah, it's fine." Bård murmured back. "Just don't asked too detailed, let us make our own statements, okay?"

She nodded and gave the camera man a sign to focus on her.

"So, here we are with Bård and Vegard Ylvisåker. Congratulations guys to your special award! How does it feel like to get such kind of appreciation at mid-thirty?"

"Well, I feel kind of mature all of a sudden. Like when I got up this morning, I thought - so this is it, you're an adult now!"

"It's me getting the grey hair, though!" Vegard added laughing.

Seemingly interested she inspected his curls. "Yeah, indeed. I see some! But apparently there are some other news about you as well. Rumours going, you two are in a couple relationship now, although you are brothers? Is that true?"

"Yes, that's true." Bård answered soberly but with a little smile. "Vegard's almost deadly accident put some change on how we feel for each other. Not exactly the norm, we're aware but we're actually quite happy how it is now."

He glanced over to his brother and his smile got wider.

"So you..?."

"You think, that's weird, don't you?" Vegard interrupted her. "You look somewhat shocked."

"Well, it's ... irritating, I have to admit! It's nothing I ever was confronted with. Don't you think people will have ambivalent reactions on this confession?"

"Yeah, might be." Bård said, shrugging. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, though. We just hope we'll get people's attention furthermore for what we do as comedians, not for what we do in our private lives."

"That's how it is supposed to be, I'd say. We wish you luck - for your new talk show season as well as for your personal relationship. - Ylvis, ladies and gentlemen - thanks for stopping by, guys!"

They nodded their good-byes, she raising her eyebrows suggestively. 'Thank you!' she mouthed and Vegard answered the same way with a quick 'We have to thank _you!_ ' before they moved on.

Several other camera teams, who had followed the scene tried to get a comment from them but they refused to give any further interviews. After all they were not up to promote this thing! The only non-verbal statement they got was Bård clasping Vegard's hand. Not for show purpose but to somehow steady his wobbly knees.

 

***

 

They avoided to take a look into any media the following weeks. Jørn did for them, as well as giving out an official statement, turning down any interview requests. A few times he had tried and let the reporter send him their questions beforehand but they never wanted to know anything that would have been worth answering.

  
What the press was creating without their help, they didn't want to know anyway. At least that was what Bård told everyone, what he told Vegard. He never spoke about those nights when he sat in the darkness of the living room, scrolling through articles and social media, trying to keep his view on the world in shape. He really wished he could share his thoughts with Vegard but he would have never violated the safety his brother's stronger will donated him.

 

***

 

Nine days after the award show TV Norge informed them about their decision to not air their talk show, at least for a few months. They assured them that it wasn't for any personal reservations but they had received a lot of complaints from people who saw their relationship as inappropriate after the yellow press had had them all over the place. The channel simply could not afford to lose any more viewers after the disaster that had happened with the provider earlier that year, that had kept half of Norway from watching TV Norge via cable tv. Money was short these days, on all sides.

 

***

 

Luckily there were enough fellow comedians who trusted their experience and their creativity so they were able to cover their costs by working as producers and keep Concorde alive.

 

***

 

During the winter they developed a concept for a weekly web show. Those fifteen minutes long You Tube videos were an actual success. Maybe it was due to the fact You Tube was aiming a younger audience which tended to be more tolerant. Well, most of it. For some of the videos they had to disable the commentary function when the 'discussion' between haters and fans got out of hands. The videos didn't do much to bring in money but they gave them the opportunity to eventually do what they loved to do most. Comedy. Life wasn't so bad after all.

 

***

 

Vegard sold his house and Bård gave up his apartment after they had found themselves a double house with two units, wall to wall, sharing a garden, so they had their own space each - an arrangement that should save their relationship several times during the years.

 

***

 

They still never made any public statements about their personal situation for they thought it would be best to let people's interest fade away by not feeding it, avoiding the press completely.

Jørn often tried to change their minds about that. What good was it for, to come out when they were hiding again afterwards? And Bård knew that he was so right! But his daughters, both, were still not okay about the situation he had put them in. Vegard knew that he was suffering, so he gave him that. No further publicity.

  
Until the end of April, when a serious late night talk show invited them to take part in a debate about alternative lifestyles. Jørn persuaded them after a night-long discussion to break their silence.

 

It was the smartest decision they had made since their coming out.

 

They received a lot of appreciation and tribute for their openness; several people they hadn't heard from in a while contacted them and apologized for not being brave enough to stay in contact. Even Mara called to congratulate to their appearance. She hadn't if Stine or Nina had been bullied for it. Bård didn't dare to ask.

 

***

 

Three weeks after that, TV Norge offered them a concept for a new show to air in fall. They agreed, there were no bitter feelings. They had been prepared for these kind of things, hadn't they?

It was rather that Bård almost felt like grabbing Vegard by his waist and dance across the room with him after the call had ended. So he did. Why being a comedian when not acting ridiculously from time to time?

 

***

 

The success of their new show was no sure thing, though...

Norway was home of an open-minded, peaceful society. Most of the Norwegian people would watch and appreciate a good show, even if it was run by a couple of little green men!

  
And they still had a proper fan base, it seemed.

 

"It has become a little more quiet on social media these days." a Finnish fan was quoted in an article. "But there are still a lot of us from all over the world, dedicated to Ylvis no matter what. Not as many as we used to be but I genuinely think an absolute minority left because of the brother's sexual orientation. That's not how we are! It's more like that people move on, when you're not present in public." Asked about the new show she said: "We believe in their success with all our confidence. Better make an effort, guys!"

 

One challenge a year. This was 2017's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About reality... I always wanted them to have a coming out story, maybe fighting the law and all, like for a long time. I was really thrilled when I found out during a conversation with a friend that gay sex between siblings is actually not prohibit in wide parts of the western world. So I did some research and imagine my frustration when I found out that of all places in the world Norway, which I love for so many reasons, is the country to not allow anything between siblings! Like wtf, Norway - there really are other ways to prevent abuse!  
> But then I thought - screw this, this s a fiction. I can make them fly or poop candy if I want to, so why not change a little law? So that's what I did.  
> I hope you enjoyed my little optimist's AU...


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